Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 121296 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 606(@200wpm)___ 485(@250wpm)___ 404(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121296 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 606(@200wpm)___ 485(@250wpm)___ 404(@300wpm)
There’s no way I’m leaving this bed until morning.
24
DYLAN
I lie in bed, staring at the warped knot of wood in the ceiling above me. It’s familiar. Been staring at it for years. It usually grounds me, but tonight, it’s useless.
The faint sounds of Beau’s claws on the wooden floor downstairs and the wind rattling the side of the house have kept me awake. And earlier it was voices; hers, Nash’s and Cody’s. I didn’t have to hear much to know what was happening.
Four of us now.
I close my eyes, trying to block out the wave of anxiety I hate myself for feeling. It shouldn’t mean anything. We’ve been here before. We’ve had women laugh, love, touch, and promise to stay, then run at the first real challenge or the realization that we’re too much.
They always leave, and she will, too.
But the idea of Grace going is a rock I can’t push off my chest. This article is supposed to bring us lots of candidates to choose from, but the idea of rooting through pages of more women, only to be disappointed, fills me with dread. Wanting Grace is an idiot move, and it’s one I can’t forgive myself for. I’ve already made plenty of mistakes when it comes to women. Shouldn’t I have learned my lesson by now?
We might be too much—this ranch, eleven cowboys, six kids, and a dog—but Grace is, too. She’s too clever, too bubbly, too independent, too classy, too sassy, too high-powered… just too much, and yet, right in so many ways.
I shift onto my side, careful I don’t wake Eli, who’s snuggled under the blanket on the pull-out bed across the room. She has nightmares sometimes and crawls in to find me.
I tighten my jaw. That’s what keeps me here. The kids. The land. The brothers and cousins I’d bleed for.
Not the dream the rest have of love despite all odds. Nora took any hope I had of love with her.
I reach over to the nightstand and trail my fingers across the boot box still tucked under the lamp.
I ordered them after that night in the barn, and when Grace laughed with Junie in the yard, twirling her like she was the only girl in the whole damn world. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I told myself I wouldn’t get involved, but even the most barren heart can experience a spark of hope, it seems.
Lennon collected them from the store, and still, I haven’t had the courage to give them to Grace. At the time, I thought she’d think they meant more than they did. Now I’m worried they mean more than I wanted them to mean only days ago.
I blow out a sharp breath, roll back onto my back, and glare at the ceiling again.
Tomorrow, I tell myself. Tomorrow, I’ll take the kids out, get my head on straight. Get back to what I know: my family, the cattle, fences and dirt, and the hard graft that keeps my churning thoughts quiet.
The things that keep a man going, despite it all.
***
The morning air hits cold and sharp against my skin as I saddle the horses. When I told him my plan, Harrison wasn’t keen on disrupting the kids’ learning schedule, but something in my expression cut his argument off at the root. My girls tumble out of the house in a tangle of coats, boots, and wild hair. Junie runs straight to her favorite miniature pony, and I help her clamber up, but Eli hangs back. She always does.
“C’mon, darlin’,” I say gently, crouching down so we’re eye to eye. “You wanna ride with me today?”
She chews her bottom lip, then nods once and lets me lift her up into the saddle with me. I swing my leg over and click my tongue. The horse lumbers forward into the wide paddock.
The sky is bright but pale. The land stretches endlessly in every direction. Riding’s the one place I can breathe without thinking too hard, as the bulk of the horse moving fluidly beneath me fills me with a sense of power. I lead Junie’s pony next to us, and she chatters away to it like it’s her best friend and understands every word.
Eli leans her head back against my chest and lets out a soft sigh.
“Daddy?” she says after a long silence.
“Yeah, baby?”
“I like her.”
My hands tighten ever so slightly on the reins. “Who?” It’s a stupid question, but it comes out anyway.
“Grace.”
I clear my throat. “Yeah?”
“She tells good stories. Plays games. Does our hair pretty. Makes pancakes better than anyone, even Uncle Corbin.”
I huff a low laugh at that, my heart squeezing tight in my chest.
“She makes Junie laugh. And Beau follows her around like she’s the boss.”
Her small voice drifts away as we ride. I let the quiet settle. The horse’s hooves thud steady against the ground. I should be happy. Eli’s smiling more. The house feels warmer since Grace arrived. But the weight in my gut says different. I know what happens when the bright ones go.