Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 91363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
“Are you sure?”
“Not funny.”
I giggled. “It’s totally funny. I appreciate you checking in on me. If I crave rainbow sherbet, I’ll let you know.”
“My mom once mentioned having pregnancy cravings for things she never liked before getting pregnant. Maybe what you need is a half gallon of rocky road.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Nice try.”
“Well, if you change your mind …”
There was a knock at my door.
“I gotta go. And I won’t change—” I opened the door.
“Gabby?” Matt said my name.
“I’ll call you later,” I murmured, releasing the phone.
Ben lunged to catch it and stepped past me to hang it up. I slowly turned, backing into the door to close it. He blurred behind the tears in my eyes.
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered, and a sob immediately followed. I hadn’t realized how strong I’d been, subconsciously holding myself together because no one else was going to do it. And him being there meant I could tell everyone else. The secret was killing me.
I didn’t know if Ben understood what I said, but he nodded anyway and pulled me into his arms before my knees gave out.
He was there.
It didn’t feel real. And I was scared to move or even breathe because I feared it was a dream.
After the initial shock wore off, and I felt certain it wasn’t a dream, a pang of anger hit me, and I stiffened before extricating myself from his all-consuming embrace. His gaze dropped to my stomach, and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I had a barely detectable bump that was impossible to see unless I had my stomach exposed, and even then, I just looked a little bloated.
“How’s Laurel?”
I never hated that he was deaf. In fact, I bled with empathy for him. The tragedy of it lived deep in my heart, but I never resented or hated it. However, I did in that moment because I wanted him to hear my voice. I didn’t want to write down my words and let him imagine that I wasn’t livid.
I was.
I nudged him away from my desk and flipped my notebook to a blank page.
How’s Laurel? Is she pretty? I hope you use a condom with her. I don’t think you can afford two babies with your job in the meat department.
Ben’s gaze returned to mine, and the corners of his eyes twitched with a slight flinch.
I channeled all of my anger to fight my tears, but I had too many hormones in my body to completely mask how badly he hurt me.
“She’s just a friend.”
“I was your—” I balled my fists. Gah! I needed to yell and scream at him.
I WAS YOUR FRIEND!!!!
Pain wrinkled his face as he read my words. Then he slowly nodded. “I’m sorry, Gabby. Had I known—”
I cut him off with a half dozen hard headshakes.
You knew I loved you. You knew we had sex without a condom. You knew I wanted to be there for you. YOU KNEW!
I stabbed the pen into the dot of the exclamation point instead of Ben’s heart, which was where I wanted to shove it.
His shoulders sagged. “You’re right.”
I didn’t know what I wanted from Ben. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. I wanted the impossible. I wanted to erase the previous seven months. A do-over.
Did you sleep with her?
Ben shook his head, but I didn’t believe him.
“I didn’t,” he said.
Did it matter? I was still pregnant with his baby, even if he did.
“We’re having a baby, Gabby. I don’t know how to do this. I—”
“No!” I shook my head.
You had your time. Everything was all about you and you made sure everyone knew it. Then you made me feel selfish for having feelings. You’re a jerk. I’M PREGNANT! Not you! It’s about me now. I don’t care how you feel about this. I don’t care if you want this baby or me. You have been selfish! I don’t know if you can ever make this right.
I slapped the pen onto the pad and sat on the edge of my bed. Ben read my note and faced me. It didn’t matter that his expression was twisted with regret. He couldn’t make things right. All I’d wanted was for him to read my letters and come back.
And there he was. I got what I wanted. But it wasn’t good enough.
“What do you want from me?” he asked.
I stopped fighting my tears. The pregnancy hormones were too much. “I want you to hear me.”
Ben squinted, shaking his head.
I laughed through my tears, wiping my face, so I signed the words instead.
He continued to shake his head. “Write it down.”
I slowly lifted my chin and shook my head. “Read my lips.”
“Gabby,” he sighed. “Just write it down.”
I pointed to the door.
He looked over his shoulder.
I flicked my palm away from my body. “Go away.”
“Just write it down.” He tried to hand me the pen and paper.