Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 116471 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 582(@200wpm)___ 466(@250wpm)___ 388(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116471 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 582(@200wpm)___ 466(@250wpm)___ 388(@300wpm)
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“You need your sleep.” I gently caressed her belly before I walked out.
I sucked in a deep breath and made my way downstairs, where I grabbed a Coke from the fridge and downed it in one draw, then walked back out of the kitchen. My gaze lingered on the door to Dad’s office. I knew the safe was impossible to break open, yet a desperate part of me wanted to try.
Just one sip.
One fucking sip.
I could simply head out for a drink. There was a bar not too far from here. Maybe they were still open. Or I could go to Renato. He always had enough liquor at home.
I closed my eyes. I promised Emma. I wouldn’t risk losing her because of this weak voice in my head. I was stronger than an addiction.
I stopped and took a deep breath. My hands became clammy, and my heartbeat picked up for no fucking reason. Dammit. I’d had a slower pulse when being shot at, and here, my body was acting up because of a drink.
I’d go to the living room and wait for morning. In a day or two, I’d be through the worst. At least, that was what I hoped.
“Can’t sleep?” Dad asked as he appeared at the end of the hallway.
“I could, but I won’t,” I said simply and strode toward him. The hallway ended in the entry, where Dad waited for me.
He was still in his pajamas like me. “Want some company?”
I nodded. I wanted to do this alone, but I knew I needed all the help I could get. Dad and I moved into the living room together and sat on the couch across from the TV. Dad picked up the remote. “What do you want to watch?”
“Something that distracts me.” Dad zapped through several streaming platforms before he settled on a cooking show. I slanted him a confused look. “A cooking show?”
He shrugged and settled against the backrest. “Watching other people cook delicious meals calms me.”
“Do you have a secret identity as a chef?”
Dad chuckled. “I can’t cook to save my life. But I like eating.”
I patted the small belly he’d developed again over the past year. He was still in much better shape than the majority of men his age, but he’d definitely enjoyed food a bit too much recently. Maybe because he’d given up cigarettes for many months—until yesterday. “I can tell.”
Dad scowled at me. “Careful,” he said, playing offended. “Your mother likes it. The dad bod is all the rage now.”
I scoffed. “Sure. Mom’s just happy you finally gave up cigarettes.” I really hoped yesterday hadn’t set him back again.
“Your mother is still very pleased with me in every regard.”
The way he said it made it clear he was referring to their sex life, something Dad usually never did.
Maybe late-night talks in dire situations had that effect. I grimaced. “Thanks, Dad. Now I definitely have other images than a glass of bourbon in my head.”
Dad kept his eyes on the screen where someone cracked eggs into water that he was spinning around with a spoon. No clue what he was trying to accomplish there. Maybe a fancy way to make scrambled eggs. “You’ll get through this. Temptation will cross your path constantly in the future, but know that resisting will get easier over time.”
Dad had tried to stop smoking several times over the years. He’d once stopped when he’d married Mom but had picked the habit up again after Serafina got kidnapped. “What do you do when you feel tempted?”
Dad glanced my way with a look of regret. “Sometimes I give in, like yesterday, but I really wish I hadn’t. That one cigarette really didn’t accomplish anything but worry your mother and make it harder for me. There’s always the temptation, but mostly I’m good at resisting. When there’s a long meeting and others start smoking. Or after a particularly delicious meal.”
“Do you think you’ll be back to smoking constantly because you took a pull yesterday?”
Dad smiled sadly. “I’m not sure. I can tell that my body is already craving another cigarette. I made things harder for myself. When I had a smoke after finding out Serafina was kidnapped, I was back to smoking a package a day and the second time I started smoking again as well. Maybe some people manage to smoke only on special occasions and aren’t tempted otherwise, but I’m not one of them, and I don’t want to risk it. Your mother would be really upset if I started smoking again, so I’m determined to let yesterday’s cigarette be the last one. She thinks my life’s dangerous enough. I don’t need to do other things that put me in an early grave.”
“I want to believe that I could handle drinking sporadically at some point, but I know it won’t be that way. And I don’t want to disappoint Emma.”