Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 92411 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92411 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
“Ben is a good guy. I trust him. But we’re from opposite sides of the world.”
Our tea arrives, necessarily pausing our discussion while the waiter explains everything he’s just delivered—from crustless cucumber sandwiches to the dainty mini raspberry cakes decorated with shards of dark chocolate.
I’ve lost my appetite.
“If you two are in love, you can make it work. I truly believe when you meet the person you’re meant to be with, you can overcome any obstacles in the way.”
I take a bite of my sandwich and remember our conversation back at Fairfield House. The more time passes, the more I know Jed and I weren’t right together. I think he probably proposed because we’d been together so long it was awkward not to. If I had said yes for the right reasons, I’d still be running from sadness.
“Do you think you don’t trust how you’re feeling about Ben because of the previous relationship you mentioned?”
It’s like she’s reading my mind. “Yes. To an extent. I came out of my last relationship not through choice, but now that it’s over, it’s so clear it should have ended sooner. There’s definitely a part of me that worries I lost touch with how I was actually feeling. If he hadn’t ended it, I would have spent my life with a man I didn’t love.”
Why am I saying this to the duchess? It’s all true, but that’s not why I’m here. I should never have come. I should have told her I was flying back to New York and I’d see her next time I was in London. Which would be years from now, if ever.
I suck in a breath. The idea of leaving this city and not coming back is like a slice of darkness plunged into my gut. I love it here.
She nods knowingly. “Maybe you’re punishing yourself for that. For women like us, it can be difficult to believe it’s possible to fall in love with someone so quickly after ending another relationship. Or”—she hesitates, choosing her words carefully—“that it’s possible for someone like Ben to love you.”
My stomach goes into free fall. The idea of Ben being in love with me is ludicrous. But the idea of me being in love with Ben hits me like a baseball bat to the chest.
“Don’t overlook the little things,” she continues as I try to focus on pulling in small breaths and letting them out. “Little moments that tell you he cares. You know how busy he is, but I bet he makes time for you in the smallest of ways. That’s what counts. George hates entertaining. He really doesn’t enjoy it, but I love being a hostess and showing off Fairfield. He indulges me. He let me have the film crew in. We entertain new people every quarter for the weekend, like the weekend you and Ben came. He does it for me. Between you and me, I think he enjoys it more than he lets on, but I know if it were up to him, he wouldn’t do it.”
“The duke sounds like a wonderful man.”
She places her hand in mine. “Find a way. Don’t have any regrets.”
Regrets. The word hangs in the air like a sonorous chime that threatens to sound forever.
She’s right. I don’t want regrets. I want to start building a life I’ve chosen, rather than living one that’s been chosen for me. I don’t want to be a supporting cast member anymore. I’m ready to be a star in my own movie. I just wish Ben could be my costar.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Despite the glass of champagne I had with the duchess, I head straight to the bar when I get back to my hotel. I need to think through all the thoughts bubbling through my brain. Most importantly, if I’m in love with Ben, I need to decide whether that changes anything.
Maybe it changes everything.
I slide onto the same barstool I was on when I ran into Ben for the third time, just before I shared dinner with him and Nick. I order a martini and pull out my phone. I’m going to list out all the evidence that I’m in love with Ben, then all the reasons why I couldn’t possibly be. It’s the advice my dad would give me in this situation. If my mom had made it to my dating years, she would probably tell me to go watch the sun go down from a rooftop somewhere, then take a cab to Ben’s place. But the DNA that came from my dad, together with all the years of following someone else’s plan, won’t let me do anything quite so impulsive.
Someone slides onto the stool next to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot the edges of a navy wool suit. My heart begins to race.