Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 66697 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 333(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 222(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66697 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 333(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 222(@300wpm)
“…yeah. No, she’s fine, physically.” A pause. “First one’s always the hardest. I will never put her in the situation for there to be a second.” He sounded hurt, almost like the wounded animal I felt like. Another pause, longer this time, and when he spoke again his voice had gone rougher at the edges, less careful than it had been with me. “I don’t know what she needs right now. I only know it isn’t me.” A short silence. “Yeah. Whatever you’ve got. Quick as you can.”
The quiet that followed felt different. Without Tonio it was much, much worse. I stood and crossed to the window, because somehow staying in the chair made the room feel like it was folding in around me. I looked out at the dark tree line and the single security light at the edge of the helipad, blinking steadily against the darkness of the night sky.
I thought about the young man I’d killed. Or, more accurately, his wedding band. I’d widowed someone somewhere. Had I orphaned someone too? I made myself stop thinking about it and counted the blinks of the light at the helipad. At least, I tried to.
It took maybe five minutes before I heard a soft knock. I knew the visitor would be my sister. Frankly, I was surprised she’d lasted this long. The door open, though I didn’t turn around. Heard Antonio’s voice, low, only a handful of words, pitched too quiet for me to catch. Whatever he said, it wasn’t long. There was a pause, and I imagined Veda looking at him like he’d kicked a puppy. That was my sister. As fierce as she was, though, I didn’t know if even she could help me see the good I’d done.
“Hey,” Veda said.
I turned to look at her over my shoulder, giving her as convincing a smile as I could.
She stood just inside the door in sweatpants and one of Griffin’s old shirts, hair still damp, like she’d come straight from the shower and had barely stopped long enough to throw on something decent before she came to my rescue again. She didn’t ask if I was OK. Instead, she crossed the room, dropped down onto the floor with her back against the frame of the bed, and patted the space beside her without looking up, like she already knew I’d come. Which I did and sat next to her.
Neither of us said anything for a while. The floor was hard through my sweatpants, and the frame of the bed dug into my spine, but I didn’t move, and neither did she.
“You know, the first time I killed was up close and personal,” Veda said finally, staring straight down at her own hands much like I had. “I trembled like a fucking leaf but, even though I thought so at the time, it wasn’t because I’d killed someone. It was that I might not have killed that fucker and Griffin might have been hurt. Or worse.” She shook her head. “Every time I think about that kill, all I can think about is what might have happened if I hadn’t been there.”
“I don’t feel like myself,” I admitted in a reluctant whisper.
“Like someone else crawled inside your skin and took over?”
I whipped my head in her direction to make sure she wasn’t fucking with me. “That’s exactly it,” I said. My voice came out almost a squeak, I was so shocked. “I didn’t expect you to feel like that, Veda. You’ve always been so… I don’t know… put together. Nothing ever bothers you.”
“Oh, Tessa. That’s where you’re wrong. You and Griffin have the power to bring me to my knees. The thought of something happening to either of you puts me into a panic I have trouble not spiraling into, and it’s all because of that kill. Because, like I said, what if Griffin had gotten killed?”
“Exactly like that. Only I’m worried I was so calm. What if I’m like that all the time, Veda? What if I can kill without remorse?”
“Honey, that’s not what you did at all!” She turned to tuck one leg under her while she faced me. “You’re remorseful right now! And that guy you killed? You know good and well if you’d been one of those girls, he’d be the one ensuring you didn’t leave. At least not alive. You know it as well as I do.”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “I kind of thought the same thing myself. But he had a wife. Or a husband.” I shook my head helplessly, not able to get the words out. “He had a wedding band. What if I orphaned his kids?”
“And what if he’d been a decent human being and helped all of you rather than protecting those scumbags? I’d say he was more to blame than you for his demise.”