Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 93929 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93929 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
The silence is heavy. Seamus is tense like he wants to spring at Declan, but I tilt my head, listening carefully to what my brother said—but also to what he didn’t say.
“We can’t destroy them as a family,” I say slowly and walk up to Declan’s desk. “But what if they destroyed each other?”
He looks back at me steadily. “That wouldn’t be my fault.”
“If Malachy found guns in his brother’s apartment, for example.”
“Internal family squabbles aren’t my problem.”
“And you wouldn’t have anything to say about it?”
“I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”
I nod at him slowly. “Alright, Dec. You want clean hands? You got them.”
“Not my hands. You better fucking understand that, Finn. I love you, you know that. I’d kill for anyone in this room, even Caroline. But my responsibility is to the clan as a whole. What you four do—” He waves a hand and sits back. “Not my problem.”
Seamus grunts and shakes his head. “I’m glad I don’t have your fucking job.”
“You’d be terrible at it,” Cormac says and nods once at me. “Comfort your wife. When you’re ready, find me. I’m not busy right now.”
“Same here, brother.” Seamus throws back a drink. “I’m in a killing mood.”
I pull my shirt back on then help Caroline to her feet. She leans against me as we leave the office together. I have a feeling Seamus and Cormac are going to lay into Declan for a little while, but that’s not my problem. In the hall, I hold my wife tightly and wipe her cheeks until they’re dry.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’m really sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry ever again. This is good, baby, it’s a good thing. We don’t have to hide who we are anymore. What happened to us really happened, and we don’t need to pretend like it didn’t.”
“Your brothers… they’re really going to help?”
“Absolutely.”
“And that’s good, right?”
“Cormac’s the scariest bastard I’ve ever met. Seamus is like a tank when he gets going.”
She touches my face. “I guess that means my brothers are fucked?”
“Fucked is an understatement.”
33
CAROLINE
“What’s it feel like to have brothers you can count on?”
Finn doesn’t answer right away. He stares out the windshield of the nondescript sedan. We’re tucked half a block away from Dermot’s apartment building, sandwiched in between a huge truck and a passenger van.
I watch him carefully. He hasn’t spoken much tonight. I think he’s not used to getting his brothers involved in his business. I got the feeling they were all close in their own ways, except for Finn. He held himself apart from them for years, probably because of the abuse he experienced, and none of them knew about it.
“Strange,” he says finally and lets out a long sigh. “For so long, my brothers only ever saw me as the useless younger brother. I played into that as much as I could. It was easier that way.”
“You wore a mask.”
“Exactly.” His eyes close briefly and his hand brushes against my thigh. “But now I feel like I threw that mask onto a bonfire and I don’t know how to hide myself. It doesn’t feel right letting them in like this.”
“Cormac and Seamus seem like they care.” I hesitate and lean in closer. “Declan does too.”
“Declan cares, but he’s got other responsibilities to deal with now. I don’t blame him for the way he handled it.”
“I’m jealous, you know? Your brothers are rallying around you.”
His jaw tightens. “That’s how it’s supposed to be. Family’s supposed to help.”
“That’s not my experience.” I edge closer and move across the console. I kiss his cheek lightly and stroke my hands through his hair. I want to be close to him all the time now. It’s like something in me changed, like the barrier that’s been standing between us crumbled. Now that people know what we are—what happened to us—we can’t pretend like we’re normal.
That makes me want him even more.
“I’m sorry for that.” He tilts his chin over and kisses me lightly. “It’s not right.”
“What are you going to do now, though? I mean, now that your brothers understand what happened to you?”
“Nothing. I don’t know. What needs to change?”
“No more mask means you have to be yourself.”
I want to add, do you even know who that is?
But Finn’s answering smile sends a tingle into my core. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
He kisses me again. This time, it’s deep and firm. I let myself lose perfect moments in his lips. Seconds slip past and none of them matter. I’m so deeply embedded in this car with him, in every moment we’re together, and I think I’ve been looking at this all wrong.
It’s been about revenge. Killing my brothers for what they did to me.
But what if it’s about freeing myself from them?
In the same way that showing himself to his brothers seems to have freed Finn, maybe killing my brothers can do the same for me.