Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 101101 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 404(@250wpm)___ 337(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101101 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 404(@250wpm)___ 337(@300wpm)
He strokes my sweaty hair back, and my heart rate starts to slow.
I’ve been having this same nightmare every night for the past week, ever since I was taken and almost raped, and every night, Kane gently wakes me up and holds me, telling me that I’m okay, and comforts me until I’m calm enough to go back to sleep.
“If you won’t talk to me, maybe you could talk to someone else, like a therapist.”
His eyes meet mine, filled with concern, and I shock myself when my first thought is that I want to let him in.
“I was raped,” I admit softly.
His brows tighten. “At the port … I thought you said—”
“No. Years ago. But the attack at the port brought back the memories and nightmares. My senior year of college, I was in my apartment, studying, and …” I take a deep breath and then say the words that never get any easier to say. “I was raped.”
“Fuck,” Kane breathes out, holding me tighter. “What do you need from me? How the hell do I make this better? Is he still alive? I’ll fucking kill him.”
My heart squeezes in my chest at how easily my husband would take someone’s life for me. But that’s not what I need. I’ve actually been doing a lot of research about rape victims since the nightmares returned, and something someone mentioned in a forum for sexual assault victims caught my eye.
“He’s gone,” I tell him. “But there is something you could do for me …”
“Anything.”
“I want you to try to rape me.”
When Kane flinches, I realize how bad that sounded.
“What I mean is, I read that many abuse victims will try to re-enact their abuse in order to try and gain control over the damage and pain they feel with someone they trust …” I lock eyes with him. “And I trust you.”
I wait to regret my words.
To feel the need to take them back.
But I don’t because it’s the truth.
My relationship with Kane might’ve started unconventionally, but what I feel for him is real.
“Princess,” Kane drawls, “you have no idea what that means to me, but what you’re asking …” He shakes his head. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”
“You wouldn’t,” I choke out. “I’ve read about this. You would attack me, and I would finally get to fight back and be in control. The night I was raped, I fought back, but I couldn’t stop him. And when those assholes kidnapped me last week, again, I fought back, but you saved me. I think the loss of control is what eats away at me. But maybe if we re-create it and it ends differently, that’s what I’ll think about instead.”
Kane nods and continues to stroke my hair, and after a while, I prepare for him to tell me he can’t do it or that he doesn’t think it’ll work.
But once again, he shocks me when he says, “Okay, I’ll think about it. But you need to tell me what happened. I can’t re-create it if I don’t know what you went through.”
“Really?” I breathe out. “You’ll do it?”
“I don’t think you get it,” he says, looking into my eyes. “I’d do anything for you, Princess.”
Butterflies attack my chest, and I reach out, cupping his nape and pulling his face toward mine for a kiss. “Thank you,” I murmur against his lips.
“Don’t thank me yet. I said I’ll consider it, but not in our home. This is where I want you to feel safe, and if it doesn’t work, I don’t want you to associate it with what you went through. I need to research it myself first and make sure it’s the right decision. And if it is, then I’ll figure out the specifics … when and where.”
“Okay, I understand.” Just the fact that he’s considering it means the world to me.
“Now, tell me what happened. Every detail you can handle.”
While I relay the second-worst night of my life, Kane holds me tightly and listens to everything I say. Without telling him who raped me—because I’m not ready to admit that it was his flesh and blood—I give him all the details I can recall.
“I was studying for my accounting exam when he broke into my apartment and cornered me on my bed. He yelled at me, calling me a slut and a tease, as I fought back the best I could. He pinned me down and then raped me as I cried and begged him to stop. And once he was done with me, he spit in my face and told me I’d gotten what I deserved.”
When I’m done, Kane runs his knuckles down my cheek, wiping the tears I didn’t know had fallen, and then lifts the back of my head, bringing my mouth up to his for a sweet kiss.