Total pages in book: 92
Estimated words: 87913 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87913 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
“What does you being in a relationship with her entail?”
“I’m not sure at this point. I’m guessing I’ll just need to say that she and I are together if anyone asks.”
Yep, I feel sick.
I let out a slow breath, willing the knot in my stomach to loosen. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. This isn’t on you.”
“It kinda is, though. You wouldn’t feel forced to do this if it weren’t for me.”
“No, I wouldn’t be forced to do this if Billy wasn’t fucking another woman while he’s married. And trust me, Franny, he would have found something else to use against me, even if you weren’t in the picture. He’s a dick.”
“Agreed.” My nose scrunches, and his eyes drop to it, a small smile ghosting across his mouth. Turning away from me, he goes to the toaster and takes out the toast, placing it on a plate.
“Thank you,” I tell him when he slides the plate my way and scoots a fancy butter dish across the counter. I’m not hungry anymore, but I know I need to eat, so I put PJ down on the floor and take the knife Dayton gives me.
“When is your next doctor’s appointment?” he asks after I take a bite of toast.
“Next Thursday.” I want to ask if he wants to come, but I don’t.
“Did they give you a due date?”
“December eighteenth,” I tell him after swallowing another bite. “During my last visit, they just ran a bunch of tests and asked me a lot of questions. This one, they’re going to do an ultrasound.”
Maybe that’s why it still hasn’t hit me that I’m actually going to have a baby. Maybe I’ll feel differently after I have my next appointment and they do the ultrasound and I hear the baby’s heartbeat. Right now, it feels like I’m in this weird place where I know this is really happening, but it doesn’t exactly feel like it’s happening to me.
“Who’s going with you?”
“I’m not sure. My mom went to the last one with me, and it was a lot. She kept asking a million questions, and even though I know her heart is in the right place, it was overwhelming.”
“Could I go?”
That knot in the pit of my stomach gets tighter.
Seconds ago, I stopped myself from asking if he wanted to come with me, but now that he’s asked, I’m not sure I should say yes. Probably because I know there’s a chance I’ll be doing this alone, and I don’t want to get used to having him around.
But maybe he needs to hear the heartbeat and see the ultrasound, too.
CHAPTER 9
Dayton
With my head spinning, I stare out the window of my office, trying to come to terms with the email I just read. Tuesday, after debating with myself for days, I went to the doctor, and they took a semen sample. Two minutes ago, they sent me the results. I already believed Franny when she said that the baby is mine. I just needed things confirmed for my own sanity, and now I don’t know what to do with the information.
Since I was old enough to come up with my own thoughts about life and how I wanted my future to look, I knew that I never wanted kids. Not because of the responsibility or the fear of losing my freedom, but because of the knowledge of what lives deep down in my marrow—a living, breathing monster lying dormant.
Maybe nothing would ever set it free, but if something did, I never wanted the people I was supposed to care about most in this world to come face-to-face with that part of me. I never want anyone to experience what I did growing up or what my mother did at the hands of my father.
When my cell dings with a message, I rub my hands down my face and spin my chair around to pick up my phone. As soon as I lift it off the top of my desk, the screen lights up, and a message from Franny unlocks.
The fear sitting in the middle of my chest feels heavy enough to crush my ribcage, lungs, and heart as I read it.
Franny: Leaving now. See you at the doctor’s office.
I want to back out, be a coward, and tell her that something came up and I can’t make it to the appointment. But an image of her soft smile pops into my mind, and I know I can’t do that to her.
I don’t want to do that to her.
When I asked if I could go to her doctor’s appointment, the question came out without me even thinking about it because I didn’t like the idea of her sitting alone in a cold room or even with her mom, who I know she loves, but obviously stresses her out.
I type the message and press Send before I can chicken out.