Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 92376 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92376 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
After he shared that with me, when he gazed into my eyes, I felt as though I saw him, really saw him, for the first time.
Something more beautiful than his flesh.
Something more compassionate than he would ever give himself credit for.
He’s not merely a monster. At least, not in the way he thinks.
My brothers make their way down the aisle between the two groom sides, leaving Killian and me on either side of the entryway. He suddenly looks entirely different from the man who had me strung up in his study, revealing the agreement Dad got me to sign. He’s staring off, as if thinking about the weighty consequences of what we’ve done.
In the name of peace.
In the name of family.
Once Rory settles in his place, Killian and I enter. As I take his hand, my skin prickles, my heart races. It’s only wedding jitters, I tell myself, though I know it’s a lie.
As we start our journey down the aisle, I notice the sun setting through the windows along the wall, seeming to suggest the end of part of my life and the beginning of this lifetime commitment.
“Here we go,” Killian whispers.
We don’t rush, take our time, and as I survey the crowd gathered to see this moment, it’s a struggle to believe it’s really happening. Throughout a lifetime of wild situations, this wasn’t something that would’ve ever occurred to me. It’s been too much, too fast.
When we reach the priest and he begins officiating, I can barely hear anything that’s being said as I steady my gaze on Killian, only keeping an ear out for when he says the part where I need to respond. My collar feels unusually tight, and as Killian sets his eyes on me for the first time since we spoke in the greenhouse, having his gaze upon me isn’t anything like it was before. Even though I’m wearing so many layers of clothes, I’m naked. He’s naked before me too, exposed by what he shared with me, a confidence in my soul that he really will keep us safe. That we made the right decision.
The priest requests Killian place the ring on my finger, and he takes great care sliding it on. Fits so well—and of course it does because we had them fitted—but like everything else happening today, it feels more significant, like it holds hidden meaning. We already signed the document, so it’s all settled, but for some reason, that ring makes it all feel so much more real.
And finally we get to those words that are so important, when the priest asks if he’ll take me to be his lawfully wedded husband.
“I do,” he says without hesitation, eyes locked with mine.
“And do you, Logan Wilde, take Killian Lorde to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”
“I do,” I say, no trace of confusion within me as I realize that all my doubts and worries are gone. And I know why too. Because what I feel for Killian is beyond anything I’ve ever felt before.
“You may kiss,” the priest says, and Killian moves close, hooking his arm around me and drawing me near, taking what’s his now.
All yours, Kill. Just like you’re all mine.
A voice in me tells me I should resist this.
But I can’t. I won’t.
Because despite all the bullshit, this is the man I really want. Despite all my resistance and struggle throughout this arrangement, I now know I love Killian Lorde.
34
KILLIAN
I hadn’t realized how much the ceremony would affect me, but it meant so much more than simply signing my name on the slip of paper that fulfilled the requisites of our contract. I thought marrying him would satisfy this darkness within me, yet here I am, at war with myself.
I promised to have and to hold him, but I also know I want more than anything to protect him. Protect all of him, which includes his heart. As he looked at me and said, “I do,” I couldn’t help but hate myself because the man he should have said that to is someone capable of giving him what he needs. Because a monster can’t love. Not in the way he desires.
This awareness has made it a struggle to enjoy the reception in the backyard, where the select family and friends in attendance approach to give us their well-wishes and our brothers give us as much hell as they can.
We finally have a moment to ourselves at the bar, where I down a healthy swig of whiskey, hoping it’ll numb this tightness in my chest, yet as I glance at my husband, it only aches that much more.
“Everything okay?” Logan asks.
I avoid his probing gaze, fearing he might discover more than he should, like he did in the greenhouse earlier. “Well, Jaime and Krychek probed Aunt Tessa for weapons, but she’ll likely be armed anyway, so once she gets a few drinks in her, one of us is liable to meet some bullets. Usually how it goes down.”