Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 132625 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 663(@200wpm)___ 531(@250wpm)___ 442(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 132625 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 663(@200wpm)___ 531(@250wpm)___ 442(@300wpm)
Bile surges in my throat at the thought, but if it’s the only way . . . “How?”
Natan lifts his chin, his eyes going wide. “Dreams, maybe?”
I shake my head. “I can’t control those. Or I haven’t been able to before, but . . .” But if I could meditate myself into a conscious dreaming state, I might be able to. My sister’s desperation to save me from my own darkness meant tutor after tutor who taught me techniques to manage my anxiety and control my own mind, including a dozen different kinds of meditation I used only when forced to.
I hated it all, even when I knew I needed it. It felt like they were all trying to fix me, and I resented them knowing I was broken.
You’re not fine, but you’re not broken either. Fear isn’t a measure of cowardice, and pain isn’t a measure of weakness. You are brave and strong and anything but broken.
I shove the memory of Kendrick’s words aside and focus on my plan.
“If I can meditate until I’m conscious dreaming,” I tell Natan, thinking out loud, “I can get in his head and find out where the sword is.”
“I can help you.” He beams and rubs his hands together. “Remember how I took you deep into yourself to find your powers? It would be like that—me guiding you down into the proper state of consciousness. That way you’d always have one hand on your own mind.”
I want to accept. Not only do I want the help, I crave the company. I only have ten days left but when I think of facing each one alone I’m suffocated by loneliness. But it feels too risky to involve my friends in any of this. My decisions allowed Mordeus to cause so much harm already, so my priority has to be getting rid of him before he can do more to hurt my sister’s court. Kendrick and his friends are so focused on getting rid of Erith and I don’t know if I can do what I need to if my attention is divided. Besides, I can’t risk any more people getting hurt trying to protect me.
“Thanks, Natan. Why don’t you get everything ready back at the old house, and I’ll meet you there?”
I can see the resistance in his eyes—part of him knows he shouldn’t walk away from me, but he can’t resist the Enchanting Lady, so he nods obediently and heads to the house.
Chapter Seven
Felicity
“How . . . ?” I croak. The single word feels like swallowing crushed glass through unused vocal cords.
“I’ll explain everything later,” Misha says, turning his back to me and heading to a small kitchen area, where he pours water into a kettle.
I nod, but inside I’m a mess. I killed someone. And while part of me understands that I did what I had to do to protect Misha, and ultimately myself, the rest of me howls with devastation.
“You hesitated,” Misha says, as if reading my thoughts. They’re probably written all over my face. “You’ve never taken a life.”
It’s not a question so I don’t bother answering.
“I appreciate it,” he says, and I realize he’s been watching me as I fumble through my chaotic thoughts. I catch sight of dark circles beneath his russet eyes before he turns to put the kettle on the fire. Has he lost sleep since I was taken from his dungeon cell? Does that have anything to do with me?
Unlikely, Felicity. You fooled him.
I’m still not convinced this isn’t an illusion.
He turns his back to the kettle and catches me staring, so I glance around the cottage. It’s small and tidy, and the fire crackling in the hearth fills the space with warmth and light. On the wall opposite the kitchen, there are two doors, to a bedroom and a bathing room, if I had to guess. “We won’t be found here?”
“By your brother? I certainly hope not. As for the human who owns this place, she’s traveling and I had a friend shield it so no one can track us here so long as we’re inside.”
A friend? I’m surprised Misha didn’t do it himself, but I don’t bother asking why. I’m too tired. Deep-in-my-bones tired. In my heart. “If you don’t want him tracking us—tracking me—when we return to Faerie, I’ll need to take another form. Assuming we aren’t planning to stay within this shield forever?”
He shifts and withdraws a small pouch from his pocket. “I know. I brought hair.”
I frown. If I want to take someone’s form, I have to fall asleep with one of their hairs clutched to my chest. When I was locked in Misha’s cell, I told him about how I shift but I didn’t tell him about the hair. “How?”
“Your brother.” He shakes his head. “Kendrick, not the prick from that cell. We found him and his friends after you went missing, and we’ve all been working together to find you and Jasalyn. Hale told me what you’d need to take the princess’s form again.”