Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 98000 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98000 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
I smile. When did he make me start doing that so often?
“It’s why I hit Cillian. He saw it. Those aren’t his to see.”
“But they’re ours?”
I roll my eyes. “I guess. I’ll probably regret it in two minutes.”
“No,” Tiernan says. “You won’t. Because you’re fuckin’ mine and I’m yours. We’re both messed up, but it doesn’t matter, not with us. Not with the people in this house.”
I nod and watch him as he starts going through the book again. He stops on one of us together, sitting in this bed, Tiernan blowing smoke into my mouth.
“They aren’t perfect. It’s not easy to draw from memory. I’m good at remembering shit, though, and I’ve got you memorized.”
He rubs his hand over me on the page. “That’s the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.” He takes a few deep breaths, and I wait, knowing he wants to say something. “I was dreaming about my father. I…God, Dean. I fucking hate him.”
My gaze snaps to his face, heart on edge, beating too quickly. He’s made comments about his father before, talked about the pressure he’s under, but…he hates his dad too?
“Why?” I ask, truly needing to know.
“Because he’s a terrible person. I know I’m not good. I never will be, and I’m okay with that, but him… He treats my mom like shit. I hear these stories about her, how wild and free she used to be, how much like Aislin in many ways, but he’s beat her down. She’s sad all the time. Depressed. He fucks anything that walks, and I don’t… When I’m in, I’m fucking in. I could never do that.”
For the first time since he started speaking, Tiernan looks at me, telling me, warning me, that he’s talking about me. That there is no breaking up, and a small seed of hope blooms in my chest.
Will he be able to forgive me?
“I’m in too,” I tell him, and he nods.
“You know who he is, everyone does. Sloan O’Shea, head of the O’Shea family. Everything you’ve probably read about him is true, and it’s everything he tries to pass down to me, even when he has to beat it into me.”
My blood pressure skyrockets, my body feeling like it’s going to explode. “He fucking touches you? I’ll kill him.”
“No. You won’t. Because then I would have to kill you. That’s the way it goes, little fighter. Why do you think Cillian and Rory haven’t tried?”
Jealousy claws at my chest. “Because you’re not theirs, and they’re clearly fucking weak.”
He grins. “No. I’m not theirs, but they know how it works. And they would probably try if I let them, but I won’t because even if I didn’t kill them for it, Rian would. Or Conan, Finan, any of the others.”
“Rian is Cillian’s dad.”
“That’s the way it goes.”
“They still shouldn’t let him touch you—the rest of them, I mean.”
“Do you think they know? He didn’t get where he is without playing the game. You think I’m ruthless? You haven’t met him. He’s good at what he does. He knows how to break people down and then build them up so they feel indebted to him, lucky to be by his side, but afraid of him at the same time. They respect him because they don’t know him the way I do…the way Aislin and my mom do.”
My nails dig into my hands, I’m fisting them so tight. I’ve always planned to kill Sloan O’Shea, but now I’ll kill him slowly.
“Aislin?”
“No. He hasn’t touched her.”
“How do you know?”
“Because he wouldn’t be breathing if he did.”
“So it’s okay to hurt you?”
“I hate him, but he’s made me strong.”
“Fuck that.” I try to get out of the bed, but Tiernan doesn’t let me. He pins me to the mattress, lies on top of me, looking down.
“You’re not allowed to get out of my bed…even though you’re cute when you want to defend my honor.”
I roll my eyes, but part of me likes to be cute to him.
“The first time I killed someone, I was fourteen,” he says softly as I massage his scalp. I’m afraid to breathe, afraid to open my mouth and not be able to hold my truth in. “I think about it sometimes…have nightmares. I wasn’t ready when I did it. It’s easier now. I’m better at turning off my emotions, but it still makes me feel empty.”
My mind goes back to the night with Michael Jensen, how disconnected he’d looked…but then he’d given himself to me, let me inside him, let me fuck him and bring him back to earth again. That’s what we give each other. Maybe it’s wrong, but it’s ours. “You do what you have to do, and if you feel like there’s nothing left inside you, I’ll fill you up with me. The only real reason there’s a me is because of you.” So I can give him that, give him everything.