Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 120186 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 601(@200wpm)___ 481(@250wpm)___ 401(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 120186 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 601(@200wpm)___ 481(@250wpm)___ 401(@300wpm)
My own brother.
My feet pound on the floor as I stumble up the stairs with my hand clamped over my mouth.
My brother.
My brother ate me out.
My brother came in my mouth.
I barely make it to my room, throwing myself through the bathroom door. I hit the tile hard, the impact jarring my knees, just in time to heave until my stomach is empty. My insides ache, and I can’t stop myself from gagging. I don’t think anything could.
Why does it have to be him? Of everyone in the world, why does it have to be Kade?
My face is soaked in tears and snot by the time I flush the toilet. I’m filthy, inside and out. Stained. It doesn’t matter that we didn’t know. It’s still disgusting and dirty.
I stand somehow and drag myself to the shower. While I wait for the water to warm, I strip off my clothes and leave them in a pile. Steam billows in the stall by the time I step under the spray. I suck a shuddering breath through my teeth when the scalding water hits my skin. Good. I force myself to endure the pain. Maybe I can wash away all this ugliness. Maybe if the water gets hot enough, I can be clean again. I grab my loofah and soap it up. Then I scrub as hard as I can, blinking away tears that mix with the water and soap.
A knock sounds against the open bathroom door. “Allie. We can talk about this. There’s no reason for you to take it so hard.”
That’s what she thinks. It must be nice to be in the dark and actually believe that. “Go away! I can’t do this right now,” I shout, throwing her words back at her.
I scrub even harder until my skin is red and raw. It’s still not enough. I don’t think anything will ever be.
There’s a sigh, barely audible over the spray. “You’re being dramatic again.”
I almost wish I could see her face through the steam when I laugh. Dramatic? What would she do if she knew the truth? I should tell her. I should teach her what happens when you keep ugly secrets. How much you end up hurting everyone around you. But then, Kade was a secret too. If I didn’t hide him, she could’ve stopped this before... before we...
“Just go away,” I beg while I lean against the wall and fight the nausea. “Please. Leave me alone.”
She sighs again loudly, but I watch her shadow as she leaves. Now I’m alone again, when what I want more than anything is to go to her and let her comfort me. Fat chance. All she’d care about is me screwing around with a Bishop and how it would tarnish the family reputation. Yeah, screwing your brother isn’t great for the reputation either.
And I thought life couldn’t get any more fucked up than it already is.
Eventually, my skin prunes, and the constant heat makes me dizzy, so I climb out of the shower. I don’t feel any cleaner than I did before. Nothing will make me feel clean again.
How long has he known? The whole time? Is he that fucking sick? Through this whole charade, I’ve been comparing Jackson to him. Wishing he could save me from this marriage.
I’m a fucking idiot.
I crawl into bed wearing my bathrobe and a towel around my hair. Maybe if I sleep, all of this will go away. That’s what I want. For the whole world to go away for good.
Sleep is my only escape from this nightmare.
The knock on my door is sharp and persistent. “Allie? That’s enough. I’m coming in. You’ve been in bed for three days, for goodness’ sake.”
I knew she wouldn’t leave me alone. I’ve stayed in my room, except for quick stolen meals while texting Saint every once in a while. I avoid anything too personal, even if all I want is to pour my heart out. No way. I’m too ashamed to even tell my best friend.
Should’ve known the peace wouldn’t last forever.
She storms in, stopping short at the mess of empty cheese and protein bar wrappers.
I don’t bother sitting up. Instead, I pull the covers closer, like they will protect me.
Mom wrinkles her nose when she spots me amid my mass of blankets. “All right, enough.”
She marches across the room, throws the curtains open, and cracks both windows. “You need to get some fresh air in here. It smells like death.”
I wish it really did because that would mean I died and wouldn’t have to think about this anymore. “Can you just leave me alone, please?”
“No, I cannot just leave you alone.” She makes air quotes and stops next to the bed in a huff. “You need to pull yourself together. I know it must’ve come as a shock, but it’s not the end of the world.” Easy for her to say. “I mean it, Allie. Jackson won’t care about this. Even if he does find out, which he doesn’t need to, the fact that I gave birth to Kade isn’t enough to make him back out of your marriage.”