Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 92067 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92067 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
“Is this how you want to honor your son?”
His question guts me. It slams into me like a thousand knives with jagged edges, cutting through skin and bone and leaving me bleeding out. “Don’t,” I beg, my breath burning my lungs like gasoline set on fire.
“What do you think Diego would say to you now if he could see you, Skull?”
“Stop!” I order, but my voice comes out more like a cry. I clap my hands over my ears, not wanting to hear anymore.
“Your boy thought the world rose and set in your ass. Is this how you want to live up to that image he had?”
“Stop!” I scream.
“The fuck I am. Diego was all about the club, you, his mom, his brother, and his fucking sister! How have you honored that? Look at you. You’re a disgusting sack of shit. You stink. When is the last time you pulled your drunken ass into the shower?”
“Fuck you! You have no idea what it’s like, asshole!” I yell so loud it feels like the words are ripped out of me. My body is vibrating with pain and anger.
“You’re right! I don’t and I pray to God I never will, but you know the one thing I would never do is let my family down. You lost one boy, and I’ll admit that shit is fucked up. It’s not right that we outlive our kids and it fucking sucks, but you have a wife and two more kids who depend on you.”
“They don’t need me.”
“Bullshit. Your woman is barely holding on. She’s lost so much weight she looks like skin and bones. Your club is dying. I haven’t seen Carlos, but I can’t imagine he’s very proud of his old man letting his mother down the way you are.”
“Fuck you.” I try to blot out his words, but they keep hitting me. I didn’t know Beth was losing weight. I haven’t really seen her in a week or so. It might be longer and the last time I saw her, I was so far from sober that I can’t even remember if I spoke to her.
“You’ve got to pull yourself together, asshole.”
“Why the hell do you even care?” I hiss, holding my head in my hands and staring down at the cement.
“Your girl needs you, Skull. She’s drowning in so much guilt it’s choking her.”
“Yeah, right,” I huff, not wanting to talk about Gabby.
“You need to pull your head out of your ass, Skull. Listen to me. You lost one son. Don’t lose all your kids and Beth. The road you’re going down will lead to that, and it’s the last fucking thing Diego would have wanted for any of you.”
“I’ve let them all down,” I whisper. “I’m the reason my son isn’t here. I ordered him to go. I gave the order that got my son killed because I wanted to send a message that no one touches my daughter. I did that shit. I killed my son.” The guilt and pain mingle so deep that my insides are raw. I close my eyes and Diego’s face is there. I raise my hands, punching my head, wanting the memory to leave, but at the same time praying it never does. “My boy,” I howl, and I know I’m crying. The tears burn just like the grief. I don’t have the right to cry. All of this is my fault. I killed my boy. “I killed him.”
I feel arms go around me and realize that Dragon is there. He pulls me up into a sitting position and then clamps his hand on my shoulder. “You didn’t fucking kill him. You know this life. Your son died, but he knew the risk, Skull. We all know the risk. He took the job because he loved who he was, who you taught him to be. He was there because he loved being a member of the Blaze. He loved his family and his sister. You didn’t kill your boy. Some fuck-head with a God complex did, and we dealt with him. We got revenge for your boy. Now, dig down deep and you tell me what Diego would want from his dad right now. How would he want you to go forward, Skull?”
“I miss him. I fucking miss my boy,” I pant, my lungs seizing so that it is fucking hard to breathe. “He was the best of me. Jesus, he was so full of life. So fucking full of it.”
“Which means he wouldn’t want his dad pulling this shit. He’d want him looking after his mom, his sister, and Carlos. He would want that, Skull. You know he would.”
“I can’t even fucking look at my kids or my wife. I let them down. I got my son killed. I look at their faces and I see the pain, the grief, and it destroys me all over again.”