Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 96752 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 484(@200wpm)___ 387(@250wpm)___ 323(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96752 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 484(@200wpm)___ 387(@250wpm)___ 323(@300wpm)
“Like rebuilding a country,” Ani says with a sniffle. “I feel the responsibility, but I also feel the love from the people we’re working for.”
“I’m trying to save a company, too,” I point out. I don’t understand what any of this has to do with my soul. It’s business and family and responsibility. I honestly don’t know how they think any of that is supposed to feed my soul. It mostly drags me down, but I know how disappointed everyone will be if I fail.
Ivy nods. “Yes, and how is that serving you? Is the responsibility worth it because of the love you get out of it? Does it fill your soul or suck it dry?”
“You don’t understand. It’s a family thing.” No one does. No one I know was left with a whole family to take care of. Ivy only had to deal with her mom. Anika’s parents split when she was in school. Heath has the greatest grandmother in the history of time. Luca has a country. Okay. I’ll listen to Luca about this because he does understand. But I’m the one with a family’s life hanging over me like the sword of Damocles. A stubborn family who doesn’t understand how badly it can go. They don’t know what it would mean to not have the company to fall back on. I don’t know why, but apparently my cousins’ parents didn’t tell them all kinds of horror stories about what it was like to live without a dime to their names. I can still remember my grandfather telling me how two of his siblings died because they couldn’t afford adequate medical care. He told me it haunted him because he was the oldest and his siblings were his responsibility. Then he told me I was the smartest and had to take care of things now.
Why is that your responsibility?
I try not to listen to the voice in my head. It’s nothing more than selfishness.
“I understand far more than you think,” Ivy says and seems to come to some kind of decision. “But you’re right that I don’t understand the whole family thing. It was just me and mom.”
Damn. I didn’t handle that well. Ivy’s family life was hard in a different way. Diane Jensen only recently got her shit together and with the help of therapy. I sometimes wish my mom would get some therapy.
Reid mentioned it. Therapy. Had he gone in to deal with his awful father and the damage he left him and Jeremiah with?
How much damage did my dad do to me? Is my mom still doing it every time she tells me I’m failing her?
It doesn’t matter because I’m tough and I can handle it. I am handling it. “Ivy, I didn’t mean to say something hurtful. I don’t want you to worry about me.”
“Hard to do when you’re my sister,” she replies. “If there is one thing I’ve learned by being kind of alone the majority of my life it’s that you make your own family. We spend all this time thinking blood is thicker than water, but sometimes that thickness is something that drags you down. Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.” I hate that I put that serious look on her face. I love how much she smiles now, how comfortable she is in her own skin.
“I call you my sister. I truly think of you and Anika that way. If anyone asks about my family, it’s you two and Heath I talk about. How do you think of me? What place do I hold in your heart?” She holds out a hand. “It’s okay to say I’m a friend. It won’t make me love you less or think of you in a different way. I don’t have the ties you have so I might not understand them. I’m just curious.”
Tears prick at my eyes, and I reach for that hand. I need her to hear me. “You are my sister. I don’t need blood to know you two are my core family. Hell, I’m the one who poked and prodded when you were in San Francisco. I did everything I could to keep us all connected. I love you and I appreciate that you’re worried, but I have this.”
Even as I say the words and she squeezes my hand, I doubt them.
Do I have this? There are days when I want nothing more than to never have to think about my mom and cousins again.
Ivy nods and leans over, hugging me. “I know you do. But if you ever want to talk, I’m here.”
“You ladies look serious,” Reid says from the opposite end of the table. “Everything okay? Is this a sister thing?”
At least my temporary boyfriend understands. I sniffle. “Definitely a sister thing. We’re fine.”
“Good.” He gives me a brilliant smile. “Because we figured out how to save the ballroom.”