Series: Cobalt Empire Series by Krista Ritchie
Total pages in book: 234
Estimated words: 226965 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1135(@200wpm)___ 908(@250wpm)___ 757(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 226965 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1135(@200wpm)___ 908(@250wpm)___ 757(@300wpm)
“Shhh,” Beckett coos. “Take some breaths.” The way he holds the back of my head, I pretend he’s Ben.
I pretend Ben never really left. That he’s here with me, and I calm down enough to pull back, rub at my eyes, and read the instructions.
“I can do this,” I choke out to myself. “I can do this.”
My phone buzzes.
I scramble, patting my hip-clip, and I think, Ben. Forgetting that he doesn’t have a phone.
Xander
I heard Ben is MIA. He just told me hours ago he was planning to drop out of MVU, but I didn’t think he’d leave tonight. Did you know? I feel like shit. If you need to talk, I’m here. I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry.
I send back a quick text to chat later and that I feel just as guilty. Because I knew too. “It’s Xander Hale,” I explain to Beckett when I reattach my phone.
“He just found out about Ben,” Beckett guesses, unsurprised. Off my frown, he clarifies, “Xander is usually one of the last to get information in our family.” I wonder if this has to do with Xander’s self-harm.
“You’re one of the first?” I ask.
He presses his shoulders to the door. “Not even close. Everyone is aware I’m largely inaccessible because of ballet. Charlie knows more than I do, always.”
“He’s really in Prague?”
“Really,” Beckett nods, his gaze falling in sorrow. “I can read you the instructions if you need help.”
My neck heats. “I’ve got it. I think it’s probably uncomplicated. Pee on a stick. Wait a handful of minutes. Learn whether or not your brother knocked me up.” I try to joke, but it lands like a dinky water balloon that rolls away and never bursts.
“First brother to fall in love, first to get a girl pregnant,” Beckett says.
“And Ben thinks he’s not winning awards in the Cobalt fam.” This joke hits.
Beckett smiles. It almost nudges up my lips.
He nods to me. “You want me to wait with you?”
Knee-jerk reaction, I shake my head, but after a couple seconds, I begin to nod. I’ve always been able to do anything on my own, but given the chance of comfort over pain, of warmth over the freezing, brutal cold—I’d choose the relief of not being so alone.
So I choose Beckett’s company. Grateful he’s offering. He seems just as relieved I accepted. After I follow the instructions in privacy, he returns to the bathroom. I sit on the toilet lid to wait for the results. He leans up against the wall. My phone timer ticking down.
“I tried…” I gaze at the marble floor, gripping the sides of the toilet as I squeeze my legs together. Afraid to completely unravel again, but I can’t stop replaying the final moments with Ben in my apartment. “I tried to get him to stay. I think with sex…” I cringe at myself, furious with myself. “I told him to come inside me minutes before he walked out the door. But telling him I might be pregnant was a line I couldn’t cross? Having sex right before he left, that was totally fine though. Doable.” I confess more to the ground. It takes everything just to peer up at his expression.
Beckett has his skull pressed to the wall while he stares up at the ceiling. His face unreadable.
“If you think I’m too fucked up to be with your brother, I’d get it.” My stomach twists into a pretzel. “I’m not a good person.”
“You use sex to get what you want,” he says as his gaze descends like a feather to mine. Lightly, not even close to caustically. “We’ve known that since you tried to blow Charlie. We never thought it’d magically go away if you started dating our little brother. Neither did Ben.” He holds my gaze even softer. “None of us are striving to find perfect people with no baggage. We’re well-aware we all carry our own.” He glances painfully at the door. “Ben is gone. Isn’t that proof enough?”
I release my grip on the toilet, just to clutch my kneecaps. My body hurts as the loss ricochets through me.
“Bad people to me,” Beckett says in a soothing tone, “are the ones selling out my family to the media. Ones who wouldn’t care what happens to my brother. That’s not you. That has never been you. So, no, I don’t think you’re too fucked up to be with him.” He releases a weighted breath. “And I’m almost positive he wouldn’t have had sex with you before walking out the door.” His eyes grip mine. “Tell me he rejected you.”
“Don’t worry, he didn’t let it happen. He did the Cobalt chivalrous thing.”
“He did the compassionate thing.” Beckett straightens off the wall. “Charlie, Eliot, and I wouldn’t have done the same as Ben.”
“Oh so you would’ve fucked me and left,” I deadpan.