Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 109976 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 550(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 109976 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 550(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
So in the end all I could do was reach for my wallet and give her my business card. “If you ever need me, call me.” I even wrote my private number on the back, something her husband would’ve sold his left nut to get his hands on, before leaving her standing just inside the doorway.
I died a little with each step I took away from her that day and promised myself I’d never put myself through that shit again. That even if it killed me I’d stay away before she ended up getting hurt. But that didn’t stop me from dreaming, wishing, wanting.
I’d seen her only a handful of times after that, before making the decision to cut her off completely, to make a clean break. The shit just kept getting worst each time I saw her and I needed to sever all ties before I lost my mind completely.
I knew if I kept seeing her that we’d eventually venture into the forbidden. There was no way I could keep seeing the woman I’d come to think of as mine without having her.
So cutting her out of my life was best. I comforted myself with the fact that she had my card and hoped that she’d use it if she ever needed me. And lived at least part of each day since in misery.
In that time, as life would have it, I only fell more deeply in love with the memory of her, losing a little bit of myself each day because I knew she was with him. It was hell!
I’d spent the first three months after making the decision to let her go miserable as fuck and thinking up ways to kill him. I even tried convincing myself that for her it was okay to break my code. To just take her to my bed and fuck her so I could at least get her out of my system.
But then I thought of what that would do to her and I couldn’t bring myself to stain her even if I had forsaken all my morals. So as hard as it was to live in the world without her by my side, I had to let go. Fuck me was that shit brutal.
The last time I saw her was almost six months ago and quite by chance. After realizing that she had feelings for me, and distancing myself, I’d gone out of my way to avoid going to any of the places she might be, anywhere I might run into her.
That night it had been raining and as the driver drove slowly through the downpour I happened to look out the window and even with the falling rain, knew her on sight. If my eyes didn’t recognize her, my body did. My dick got hard and my heart tried to make its way out of my chest.
“Stop!” I grabbed the umbrella from the seat next to me and declined the driver’s offer to go get her himself. As someone else who knows me well, he knew who she was, and what she meant to me. I’d only shared that knowledge with two people and only because I was drunk as hell at the time.
I opened the door and walked towards her where she stood huddled in the doorway of a store on fifth. I stopped a good few feet away from her under cover of the umbrella that was big enough to fit six.
“Hello Giselle, would you like me to take you home?” Even then, in the middle of a downpour it was hard to miss the look in her eyes when she looked at me. It was almost easy to believe that she’d been as starved for the sight of me as I was her.
I started to reach for her then reminded myself in the knick of time that though it was raining, we were still on a busy sidewalk in New York city and I didn’t know who the fuck was watching.
Neither of us had ever told the other what we were feeling. But anyone with eyes would’ve easily seen it. Like I could that night as we stood facing each other in the rain. Ergo one of the reasons I’d decided to cut her out of my life.
I might be sophisticated enough to hide my feelings from others, but she gave that shit away with her eyes. I didn’t want the asshole she was married to getting wind of that shit and making her life miserable, so it was the only choice I had, to stay far, far away.
“Yes thank you, if you don’t mind.” Fuck! Her voice! Those soft melodious notes that feels like fingers teasing their way down my spine. How did I forget what that shit does to me? I pulled myself together and got a little bit closer and held the umbrella over her head before leading her back to my car.