Total pages in book: 60
Estimated words: 59022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 295(@200wpm)___ 236(@250wpm)___ 197(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 59022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 295(@200wpm)___ 236(@250wpm)___ 197(@300wpm)
Void as if I never existed.
Void.
Gone.
The end.
I choke out a sob and fall to the ground. No, no, he can’t do that! He just, he just made it as if we never happened as if we never existed— he just gave me memories and took them back again. I reach for it again only for the clause to pull some freaking Mission Impossible shit for brains move and self-destruct into a tiny poof of crystals all the while a jingle sounds in the background like I should be happy. It’s the first time I actually hate the sound of Christmas magic.
I can’t say anything to Grace or Devon, I can’t pretend I went into this with my eyes closed either, I can only manage to stare at the wall as the sound of Christmas fades around me and wonder if maybe I’m crazy, maybe loneliness really is a bitch and I imagined all of his kisses, touches, all his words—but promises? No, he never made those in fact he said his fate wouldn’t be like his father’s, he said he would never become like him.
I don’t think he meant alone.
I think he meant heartbroken.
Better to break someone else’s then wait for it to happen to you? Does that mean he really did feel something and ran away?
Does it even matter at this point?
I try to sleep for the next hour but between crying and jumping when I hear a noise thinking it might be Stetson returning— sleep doesn’t really come. When I go up later for breakfast I expect to get grilled by Grace and Devon, but I don’t, they can clearly see the misery on my face but don’t realize I had a night of goodbyes with him.
Because that’s what it was, a stereotypical, ‘I love you too much to stay’ bullshit goodbye without any promises of tomorrow, only kisses in the moment. Was his goal to get me to hate Christmas forever? To hate men?
Achieved, very well achieved.
I haven’t tried texting him and finally gain the courage after eating some carbs, it’s mostly fueled by rage at his rejection mixed in with a heavy dose of sadness and two mimosas, but I send anyways.
Me
I hope you got home safe. What does Void mean, does that mean, is this the end? You know you can’t just leave me with all these questions.
I press send and await his response. It comes quick.
Stetson
It was incredible, Charlie Horse. I have a crazy day ahead so I’m going to be offline. Void as in, you’re no longer bound to the contract. We had our night. Now it’s time for you to have them back without having to worry about the consequences of Christmas magic and me.
Me
So you’re what? Giving me freedom I don’t want and expect me to say ‘thank you’ after all we shared?
Stetson
I would never take your freedom or your will. It’s a tragedy to own someone’s love, it’s a blessing being chosen to carry it.
I realize I didn’t tell him one major thing.
Me
Stetson, I’m leaving today.
He takes a moment before writing back.
Stetson
So am I, Charlie Horse.
Interesting. So we both didn’t tell each other. Why do I feel kind of short breath now? Does that mean that this is it?
Me
Safe travels then?
I’m prodding, reaching, I’m giving him a chance to say something, anything at this point to comfort me to tell me I have it all wrong, to do something.
Stetson
You too, Charlie Horse, you too.
And that’s it ladies and gentlemen. There’s no more text after this. Nothing. Nada. Not a peep and when I try to text again.
It bounces back.
I try again on the plane.
Not a word.
I stare at my phone when I’m on the car ride home to Naples, Florida. Not a word when I wake up in the morning to check my texts to see if maybe his inbox was full if that was still even a freaking thing. Nothing. I trick myself for a few days and think he’s going to call or text and he’s just settling into the job because yes, it is only two weeks before Christmas and it must be a busy time of year and maybe it was too much too soon, God knows it was hot and heavy, but I’m still left alone to face the bitter cold of winter the empty laughter of the people around me and the dizzying amount of parties where I dress up and paste a smile on my face and tell myself I’m lucky I have such good friends only to go home and microwave takeout and watch Dateline reruns or yell at Dr. Now for not being kinder on My Six Hundred Pound Life reruns I just can’t stop watching.
That’s the thing nobody tells you about the glam life, no matter how much money you have it doesn’t alter your heart, it doesn’t give you an extra dose of cheer and if it does, like any drug, it’s very brief and you need someone to immediately replace it so you get a happy hit.