Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 70630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 353(@200wpm)___ 283(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 70630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 353(@200wpm)___ 283(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
Fine, then drag him in here for some more hot sex. But whatever you do, don’t let him walk away.
I stood, but my legs shook as if they didn’t want to hold me up.
The front door slammed shut.
“Fuck, he’s gone.” I said the words into the silence, and they seemed to echo back at me.
I sat back down, my head swimming. The only man I’d ever loved had just walked away. Would I ever work up the nerve to open up to someone again? I doubted it. I wasn’t even sure I’d survive breaking up with Jeremy. My chest felt like an elephant was pushing back every time I tried to breathe.
He’d felt so good as I drove into his body, making him beg and whimper. I wanted that brand of wild, rough sex again, but I also wanted his kisses. I’d been filled with anger, with the need to claim him, to show him he belonged to me, but I wished to God I’d taken time to just hold him, to kiss him softly, to let him see that I could still be gentle. Now I wouldn’t have another chance.
At some point, I found the strength to get up and lock my door. Then I fell into bed, longing for sleep to overtake me. It didn’t. I tossed and turned, hating myself, hating Jeremy for not trusting me, hating that I’d ever left the Marines. Why did I think I could make it in the civilian world? Maybe I was fooling myself, and I was just as fucked up as Mario.
23
Connor
Ijerked awake. Someone was banging on my door. Recon training had given me the ability to go from sound asleep to fully awake in less than a second. I glanced at the clock. Nine AM? I never slept that late. What time had I fallen asleep? I remembered seeing the clock say four as I lay in bed praying for sleep to come.
The banging didn’t stop. Whoever was at the door wasn’t going away. Jeremy? A glimmer of hope warred with a prayer that I wouldn’t have to face him. I yanked on a pair of shorts and went to see who it was.
“Connor, I know you’re in there,” Sabrina called before I made it across the living room.
“I’m coming!” I hadn’t really wanted it to be Jeremy, had I? If not, why did I feel so weighed down with disappointment? The minute I opened the door, Sabrina charged in.
“Why weren’t you answering your phone?” she demanded.
I’d turned the ringer off after Jeremy had called and texted me, and I’d never turned it back on. “I was sleeping.”
“Bullshit, you never sleep that hard.”
“I didn’t want to talk to anyone.”
She scowled at me, and I waited for her to start in on me about Jeremy, but she surprised me by saying, “Why the fuck does my brother think I told you to call him on my behalf? He said you told him I wanted him to call more often. And he’s sure I put you up to it.”
I rubbed a hand over my head. This was almost as bad as talking about Jeremy. “I did say you’d like him to call more often, but I also told him you had no idea I was calling.”
“Why the fuck did you tell him that?” Sabrina’s eyes were dark with anger, her cheeks flushed. She looked ready to jump me and, Marine or not, I took a step back.
“Because I—”
“Didn’t want to tell him the real reason for your call?”
A massive headache began to build in the center of my forehead. “You don’t understand.”
“I understand all right. I understand that you chickened out.”
I’d hit men for saying that to me, but I loved Sabrina, and she was trying to help me. “I froze, okay? I fucking froze. I tried to spit the words out, but I couldn’t, so I let myself warm up by talking about other things—”
“Like me.”
I sighed. “Yeah, like you. Then Mario told me about these two guys from another recon team that was stationed with us. They were caught having sex in the XO’s office.”
Sabrina’s eyes went wide. “Are you kidding me?”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t know what they were thinking doing something that insane.”
“Did you know them?”
“Yeah, I did.” I wasn’t going to elaborate. Sabrina didn’t need to know how well I was acquainted with them. “Do you know what Mario said about them?”
She sniffed. “I can imagine.”
“As far as he’s concerned, all the good they did has been erased because they’re gay.”
“They’re also stupid, but I know that’s not the point.”
“No, it’s not.” If only Mario could focus on the idiocy of what Fargo and Cousta had done rather than the fact that they were with each other.
“Connor, you can’t live your life by my brother’s rules.”