Total pages in book: 114
Estimated words: 110757 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 554(@200wpm)___ 443(@250wpm)___ 369(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110757 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 554(@200wpm)___ 443(@250wpm)___ 369(@300wpm)
“You’re not good at what?” She’s keeping her tone even, like a therapist.
I’m not built to sit in a chair and discuss my feelings. I’m good at many things, but this isn’t on the list. It’s what she wants, though, so I have to find a way.
“I’ve never let myself be more to a woman than a good fuck. I don’t know how to”—I exhale hard, frustrated—“care for a woman in nonphysical ways, I guess.”
“I think you know more than you realize. You always listened to me, and that made me feel cared for.”
“I do care.” I clear away the gravel in my throat. “I just don’t show it very well.”
“You don’t show it with words, but I felt it,” she says softly. “In the way you looked at me and ... the ways you touched me. You never let me think there was another woman you’d rather be with or even look at than me.”
My chest hollows out with a deep ache for her. “There never has been, B. You caught me by surprise.”
A few seconds of silence pass, and then she sniffles. A fist closes around my heart.
“Are you crying?”
Another sniffle. “I miss you calling me B.”
Emotions surge through me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath in, holding it for a few seconds before releasing it. I want to be able to do this with her, and I don’t want her to hold back on what she says because of the way it affects me.
“I miss everything,” I say. “I miss every second I had with you. I know it’s not enough, but I’m sorry.” I take another calming breath. “I was wrong for not telling you, and I was wrong for my part in making this place what it is.”
“I’ve talked to McClain about it. He told me it was meant to help people.”
“Yeah, it was.”
“Will you tell me about it? How you got involved? Why you got involved?”
My fight-or-flight response kicks in hard. The adrenaline hits. My stomach bottoms out and my heart gallops unsteadily. I steady myself, taking a deep breath.
“Give me a second,” I say.
“Do we need to stop?”
“No. Just ... wait.”
It’s time to say goodbye, Marcus.
I shove back the feelings flooding my system like a lineman with a blocking sled. That stuff stays buried deep with good reason.
In med school, I learned to present things as a clinician. I’ll think of this in those terms. I’m just presenting facts.
“McClain took a liking to me when we met. I was going to become a geneticist, so I jumped at the chance to be a part of his research. There’s usually all kinds of red tape with the government, but since it was all privately funded, we could do whatever we wanted. I could go into all the details, but the bottom line is that our virus team had developed a virus that replicated one the Russian government had created. They developed it in order to make a vaccine we could have ready if the Russians ever dropped their virus on us.” I stop to inhale through my nose and exhale with my mouth. “You with me on all that?”
“Yes. This is something my mom would’ve wanted to be part of, too. But you guys were doing other work, right?”
“Right. Genetics experiments. Our goals were to reverse climate change, fight famine, and make humans stronger and healthier.”
We were close. So fucking close. After an initial couple months of groundwork, the breakthroughs were starting for our team.
“But then the virus escaped the lab it was in,” I say, the memories still fresh. “And all hell broke loose.”
She gasps softly. “The vaccine wasn’t ready.”
“It wasn’t. And with an aerosolized virus, there was no chance of containment.”
“There had to be mass panic.”
“Yeah. But back to your question about why I got involved.” I’m just a clinician presenting facts. “It was because of my brother Alex. He died from a genetic disorder called Batten Disease when he was eight.”
“Oh, Marcus. I’m so sorry.”
Your brother lives in heaven now. He’ll always be with you.
“No one knows that. I didn’t even tell McClain.” I rub my sweaty palms over the heavy canvas pants covering my thighs. “I can’t talk about it more than I just did, but it’s why I kept going with the project even when I knew we were crossing too many ethical lines. I told myself the ends justified the means.”
She’s quiet for a few seconds before saying, “I’m processing. I wish you had told me all this sooner.”
I cross my arms over my chest; her pained expression when Pax told her I was one of the first Rising Tide leaders burned into my mind.
“It doesn’t excuse any of it. I knew better.”
“You’re imperfect. So am I.”
I huff out a note of laughter. “Your flaws haven’t decimated humanity, though. You didn’t come here knowing you were facilitating the creation of genetically manipulated children.”