Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 86515 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 433(@200wpm)___ 346(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86515 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 433(@200wpm)___ 346(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
My heart squeezes in reflex for that little girl. “What I’m most curious about… you were turning fourteen. You’d been raised in that environment. How did you know there was a better life out there? How did you trust that when you ran, you weren’t running to a worse existence? For that matter, how did you even know that marrying the pastor was a bad thing?”
She says it without drama. Without bitterness. “Because I observed, and I did the math. I had no outside world to compare it to, but I saw what happened to other girls.”
I shift closer, our shoulders brushing, and she doesn’t pull away.
“There was a girl,” she says finally. “Her name was Liza, and she underwent the sacrament of marriage to the pastor when she turned fourteen. She was excited about it, preened in her wedding dress. She was praised for her obedience and held up to us other girls as a model follower.” Her gaze remains clear, unbothered, as if she’s come to full acceptance. “She was smiling as she walked up the aisle to join him, and I wondered if I’d feel that way when it was my turn.”
My stomach rolls because I know this isn’t going to end well. “What happened?”
“I never saw her smile again after her wedding night. Now, I don’t know what happened. I didn’t even know what sex was back then because they didn’t teach us. But I did know that the light left Liza and she was gone. She stopped speaking unless spoken to. Stopped making eye contact. She cried all the time, but quietly, like she’d learned not to inconvenience anyone with it. I asked her once what was wrong and she said, ‘It didn’t matter.’ But I saw the look in her eyes. It was fear, not for herself, but perhaps for me. For the other younger girls.” Juno’s gaze shifts back to me. “And then one day, she didn’t show up.”
I wait.
“They said she’d gone to a better place,” Juno finishes. “That God had called her home.” Her mouth tightens. “But I knew the truth. We all did. She couldn’t survive what they were calling holy.”
“Jesus Christ,” I blurt, and then immediately apologize for taking the Lord’s name in vain. “Sorry… I mean—”
“Don’t apologize. I’ve uttered those words so many times when I wonder how God could let those things happen. But to answer your question, I knew then that nothing that leaves that kind of wreckage behind can be right. It was also evident that if I wanted to save myself, I had to do it on my own. So I ran.”
“Like I said, bravest fucking thing I think I’ve ever heard in my life.”
“Didn’t feel it at the time, but I can look back and accept all the good that came of helping to topple that place certainly makes up for the things I lost.”
“Like your parents?”
Juno nods. “And a normal childhood. But I adapted.”
“You more than adapted,” I murmur, taking her hand in mine. “You flourished. And now?”
“Now I’m very good at managing my world,” she says. “So it’s late-night TV when my brain won’t turn off.”
Her eyes lift to mine. Hold.
“And this?” I ask, motioning between us. “Does this cause you to lose sleep?”
Her lips curve, eyes flashing with humor. “Admittedly, this is a bit different.”
“Dangerous?” I offer, because it feels that way to me. Juno is the type of person who’s hard to keep in reserve. Having only a small piece of her doesn’t feel like quite enough.
She nods, her gaze holding mine in absolute truth. “A little. You don’t fit into the mold of the type of men I usually date.”
“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment,” I say with a chuckle.
“I’ll never lie about how I see things. I’ve unfortunately got a lens of experience that will filter the way I view the world. But I can tell you this—I never feel like I have to negotiate with you. That implies trust, and I’m a little confused how that’s come about.”
I consider that. “I think I can relate. You managed to get me to trust you by showing me your authentic self. Maybe that’s what it’s really about. Not holding back. Pushing aside the curtain and letting people see.”
Juno stares at me a long moment, and then she snorts. “Jesus… look at us talking all deep and shit.”
I laugh, the moment of levity breaching the dark places Juno showed me, and I reach out, sliding my hands under her arms and lifting her gently, settling her onto my lap. She lets me and her body molds against mine like it’s always known how.
I press my forehead to hers. “I bet I know a way to quiet your mind.”
Her hands press down into my shoulders, grinding gently against me. “You always this confident?”