Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 53516 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 268(@200wpm)___ 214(@250wpm)___ 178(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 53516 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 268(@200wpm)___ 214(@250wpm)___ 178(@300wpm)
Or I'm just making excuses... just like I did with Jason.
"Nope. Not doing this," I told myself out loud, not caring if anyone who overheard me thought I was crazy. Maybe I was crazy, but I was determined not to be a fool again, so I took all thoughts of Xavier and Jason, shoved them into a box, and buried them as far into the depths of my mind as I could.
And then I settled in to enjoy a completely indulgent lunch and my own damn company. It was nice, once I got used to it, eating on my own without scrolling social media or reading a book, just being alone with my thoughts. The longer I lingered and ate, the more relaxed I began to feel. Even eating my weight in greasy, fried food didn't lessen my good mood.
By the time I slid behind the steering wheel and crawled back up the mountain, I wasn't just relaxed; I felt like a new woman.
And when I stepped inside the house and saw Violet asleep across her daddy's bare chest, one of his hands resting protectively on her back while he slept, I knew that feeling was a lie.
It would take more than a few hours away to get over my feelings for my grumpy mountain man boss.
Chapter 23
Xavier
"I'm sorry." I blurted out the words after I put Violet to bed. My chest heaved as the words shot out of my mouth and landed on Rosalee, who sat curled on the sofa with her eyes focused on her lap.
She gave no indication she heard me at first, but a full minute later she sighed and set her e-reader on the coffee table before she turned to me with a blank expression on her face. "You're sorry," she repeated, the words sounding as if they were in a language she didn't understand. "What are you sorry for, Xavier?"
I felt like a chastised child in that moment, but I shoved down the instinct to say so and nodded because it was a fair question. There were a lot of things I needed to apologize for, so her question made sense. "Everything," I answered easily. "For being a jerk—no, scratch that. I'm sorry for being an absolute asshole." It was weak sauce as far as apologies went, but it was a good start. I hoped. "I shouldn't have pulled away from you like that after we were together the last time." Shit, I hoped it wasn't the last time.
Rosalee folded her arms, her usually expressive eyes devoid of any discernible emotion. "Why did you do it?"
I shrugged because I knew I didn't have a good answer, but she deserved the truth so she could weigh the quality of it for herself. "I don't have a good answer, Rosalee. I just," I sighed and raked a hand through my hair because this shit was hard, talking about feelings I'd resolved long ago to never feel again. "I started to feel things that I never wanted to feel again, things I thought I was long past feeling. It shocked me." Even as I thought about it, my heart raced and my stomach flipped over.
"You mean you were scared."
I smiled. Leave it to Rosalee not to pull any punches. "Yeah, that's exactly what it was. On the heels of that shock was fear, so I pulled away, but I should have just told you what I was feeling instead of turning my back on you like that, and I'm sorry."
"You didn't tell me because you were, and probably still are, worried that I'd want more from you, and you don't want to give more."
"Shit." She'd nailed it exactly, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.
"Right." Her jaw clenched as she nodded. "I agree, you should have just told me. Thank you for apologizing, Xavier." She turned away from me, picked up her e-reader, and went back to her book.
What the fuck? I sighed and walked into the living room, rounding the coffee table so I could see her face. "It's not enough, and I know that, Rosalee. But I have no fucking idea what to say or do to make up for my behavior."
"It's all right," she whispered so softly I wasn't sure if she had said anything at all, until her gaze slammed into mine, sadness and frustration written across her face.
"It is?" Her words did not match her expression.
She nodded slowly. "Yeah, it is. You don't want more, and your recent behavior has made it crystal clear that I'm incapable of doing casual, so you don't have to make up for anything because there's nowhere to go from here."
Wait, what? I felt like I was losing a fight I didn't even know I'd entered. "What are you saying?"
"I wasn't expecting you to get down on one knee or anything like that, but I also expected basic respect, maybe a little communication. You only want someone to fuck, and that can't be me, so thank you for acknowledging that I deserve an apology, but you don't need to do anything else."