Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 89074 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 445(@200wpm)___ 356(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89074 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 445(@200wpm)___ 356(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
You deserve to be free.
Flying high and away, higher than all of us, because you deserve the whole world.
I curse softly under my breath. “Fuck. Fuck.”
“You’re right when you say I shouldn’t fall for you,” he says, stroking my hair like he’s holding something precious. “But I did fall for you. I still am. Tell me you’re fucked up, tell me you’re broken, and I’m still going to be here with you.”
I exhale, resting my head on his shoulder.
The whole world feels too raw, too hostile.
But I want a world where this can be something real.
“No one’s ever wanted that,” I say, my voice barely a whisper.
No one’s ever wanted me.
He hums, kissing my head again. “Lucky me. I got to you first.”
25
Rayne
Back then, in high school, Hunter never sat alone during lunch because he didn’t come to the cafeteria at all.
I always sat with Weston.
Both of us never knew where his brother went.
I found out where Hunter ate lunch one day by accident.
Not because I saw Hunter himself, but because I saw what he left behind.
He’d been in the library computer lab, at a desk in the back. Even back then, Hunter always drank little cans of black coffee, and I saw a forgotten empty one left at one of the desks.
He attempted to log out, but the computer didn’t complete the task. Hunter’s account was still logged in.
Along with his search history.
The first few were about different fencing swords. No surprise.
But one search was different.
It was a search for grief counselors in the area.
Hunter always said that he was forced into therapy against his will. That he hated it all. That he was comfortable as himself, fucked up and all.
But there was something inside him reaching out, even back then.
Even when the fire inside him was at its worst, there was an untouched, weathered stone inside him, surviving through so much pain.
That’s the thing about fire, no matter how strong the blaze.
It’s almost never hot enough to melt stone.
“Fuck. Is the green better, or the baby blue?” I ask, turning and looking at my shirt in my long, wood-framed mirror for the millionth time.
Ollie and Noah are sitting at my desk chair and Hunter’s chair. Noah rolls his eyes, looking up from his leather-bound planner.
“Just pick one. Hunter will want to give you all his babies even if you were wearing a bright pink tutu,” Oliver says with a sly grin.
“Maybe Hunter would enjoy you in a pink tutu,” Noah adds, and the two of them find that very amusing.
“Do you know how making babies works, Ollie?” I ask. “Because I think you might need a few lessons.”
He shrugs. “All kinds of things are possible nowadays. And I obviously meant cum babies, anyway.”
“Don’t ask him what he means by that, Rayne. I’ve learned that Oliver has a very active imagination by now.”
I smooth out the front of the baby blue tight long-sleeve shirt.
We’re in my room, and Hunter’s currently out and about, probably quietly losing his mind about what we’re going to do this evening.
We’re going on our first date.
A real date.
A date like normal people have, people who aren’t fucking their best friend’s brother and aren’t in the crosshairs of some demented, violent threat.
Fall break just began, and I’m glad that some of the other Onyx guys stayed on campus for the week off of classes.
I’ve always liked having people around me, but it feels even more necessary these days.
“Can’t believe I’m worried about what color I’m wearing on a date when all of our fucking lives are in danger.”
“Life must go on, even if we’re being threatened,” Noah says, finally closing his planner and coming over to my side, looking in the mirror. “Maybe all of the threats are just a prank.”
I cut him a glare. “If someone’s idea of a prank is a needle in my neck and a gunshot grazing James’ head? They deserve hell.”
“Fair point.”
“I think the person, or people, have backed off,” Ollie says.
“I’ve been wondering about that.”
“By the way, Royal,” Noah says, lifting an eyebrow at me. “Does Wes know… about this?”
“The date?”
Noah nods.
I stand a little taller, looking back in the mirror. “He does. I’m never keeping a goddamned secret from Weston again, ever, in my life. I know it’s going to be tough for him to accept certain things at first, but I really think we’ll be okay again, someday.”
“He really seems like an understanding person,” Oliver says with a nod. “He’ll get there.”
“But he probably won’t ever want to hear us joke about his brother putting cum babies in Rayne, so keep your mouth shut about that,” Noah says, reaching over and giving Oliver’s shoulder a little smack.
With every passing day, Wes has also been closer and closer to his normal self.
It does seem like the only silver lining of the dark cloud over this semester is that Weston and I are going to come out of this better friends than before.