Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 114793 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 574(@200wpm)___ 459(@250wpm)___ 383(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114793 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 574(@200wpm)___ 459(@250wpm)___ 383(@300wpm)
Ira adjusted his belt like he was tightening a utility harness. “Limited edition. Comes with a real skillet and a can of ant spray.”
They both wisely chose not to ask if he was joking.
“So, Gabby,” Remy said a little more gently. “How are you feeling? I mean—head injury, broken bones... What the hell were you thinking leaving the hospital?”
I lifted my chin. “Ira was very efficient at orchestrating my great escape. The man had scrubs, a plan, and a wheelchair. It was honestly kind of romantic.” Jesse raised an eyebrow. “Besides,” I added, “I’m managing just fine.” I paused, then turned to Jesse slowly. “You didn’t happen to know there was a deluxe bathroom in the cabin, did you?”
Jesse blinked. “What?”
“You know—the one attached to the main bedroom. Apparently, it's a big fancy thing, with a marble countertop, candles, and a toilet.”
Realization dawned, and a grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Oh shit, did Webb make you use the outhouse?” When I didn’t answer, his eyes lit up like he’d just discovered buried treasure. “You mean to tell me you were camping out in the bushes like a frontierswoman the whole time?”
I said nothing, and Jesse let out a bark of laughter so loud it startled the raccoons again. He doubled over and then just let himself fall to his knees in the dirt, laughing uncontrollably.
“I can’t—” gasp “That’s so cruel—” gasp “and so brilliant—”
I waved my casts at him with all the fury of a woman scorned. “I can’t even use the damn thing now because I’m immobile, man. This is bathroom betrayal!”
Jesse collapsed sideways, howling. Remy stood stiff, lips twitching so violently it looked like he was trying to chew them off.
“I hope a rabid raccoon bites your balls when you’re not looking,” I hissed.
Ira, perfectly calm, sipped his coffee and shrugged. “Toss some food at his crotch. It'll happen.”
Jesse stopped laughing long enough to shoot him a look. “There’s a man code, you know.”
Ira leaned forward slightly, squinting at the dark tree line. “Yeah? Well, while you were rolling in the dirt, I was watching for movement and noticed a couple birds take off too fast out of the same bush. Something’s disturbing them.” That sobered everyone up. He sipped again, calm as ever. “So, if you’re here to protect Gabby, you’re doing a shit job at it. I’ve been watching the perimeter while you’ve been laughing like stoned hyenas.”
Jesse stood up slowly, wiping dirt off his knees with a grimace.
“How’s that for man code?” Ira asked, arching a brow.
No one had an answer for that because he was absolutely right.
“I’d say Ira here is weird,” Remy started, glancing at the old man with a bemused expression, “but I’ve been around the Townsend family too long to call anyone else the strangest person I’ve met.”
Jesse scoffed and scowled. “My family is perfectly normal.”
That earned him a synchronized deadpan stare from both Remy and me. We didn’t even have to say it—we just blinked at him in unified disbelief.
Ira looked between us, eyebrows raised. “What are you talking about?”
Remy ticked off the points on his fingers with practiced ease. “Where do I begin? An alarming number of kidnappings—like, a suspicious amount. One cousin got bitten on the ass by a rattlesnake in a car. Chickens named Bojangles and KFC, may they rest in peace. The name ‘Cole’ comes up constantly, somehow in the middle of disasters. A wild grandpa who’s either unhinged or a genius—possibly both. Waxing accidents. A cross-eyed cat in a motorcycle helmet who rides with Jackson. Pet pigs, turkeys, mini horses. Car chases. Secret weddings. Gender reveal parties that nearly caused brush fires. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”
Ira's eyebrows shot up into his hairline as he slowly processed the list. Then he turned to me with a straight face. “If I had any sense, I’d tell you to run—maybe, in your case, crawl for your life—because I’m starting to think this Clayton guy isn’t even the real threat.”
I shrugged and nodded solemnly. “Some of that I knew...but yeah. That tracks.”
Jesse waved a hand. “There’s no crawling to safety, anyway. This whole place is surrounded by Townsend-Rossis and their extended friend network. She’d run straight into another one of us within twenty feet.”
Ira turned serious, gaze flicking toward the dark tree line. “Then keep your heads on. As I said, I saw birds take off fast a few minutes ago. Something moved out there.”
Jesse sobered up and excused himself to go inside and make a quick call just as Remy stepped closer, concern pinching the corners of his mouth. “Gabby, you sure you’re okay out here? You want help getting inside, just in case?”
I waved him off with my trusty can of ant spray. “Nah, I’m good. But if you really want to be useful...,could you get me a proper weapon?”