Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 92392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
I listened to him breathe, and then I sank back into sleep.
Hours later, I woke again to sunlight and in a new position with my head against Kenji’s chest. His heart thumped a melody into my ears. Faint sandalwood still hung in the air. Birds sang outside the window. Tokyo’s melodic city hum ran under the birds.
I opened my eyes and slowly leaned my head back.
Kenji was watching me. His head rested on the pillow, and his mouth was curved into a satisfied smile. “Good morning, Tora.”
I yawned. “Good morning, Dragon.”
Love moved through our bond first. It felt so good to feel his warmth in the middle of my chest.
I widened my eyes. “Mmm. I still feel your emotions through our bond.”
“And what do you feel, Tora?”
I smiled. “You love me so much.”
“I do.”
“And what do you feel from me with our bond?”
“Absolute, endless love. Healing. Comforting. Protective love.” He breathed me in. “The sort of love. . .I never knew existed.”
“Me too.”
Then, under his love, his rage arrived too, swirling around the bond. I tensed. His rage sat coiled inside him. It was a poisonous snake on a warm rock, waiting for vengeance. I struggled to hold both at once, and I suspected I always would.
Kenji studied me. “Did you sleep well?”
“I did.”
“Good.” Kenji lifted his hand and slid his knuckles down the side of my face. His touch traced from my temple to the edge of my jaw, and his thumb brushed the corner of my mouth. Then his palm settled at the curve of my neck. His fingers stretched into my braids, and the warmth of him spread down to my collarbone.
I leaned into his hand. “Will this be our mornings from now on?”
“Most of the time.” He kept his hand there for a few seconds. His fingers stayed in my braids, and his thumb kept stroking the corner of my mouth. But his gaze darkened as he glanced at the scratches from Kiko. “You’ve killed someone for the first time.”
“I did.”
“How do you feel, Tora?”
“Hollow. Is that normal?”
“Yes.”
I studied his face. “How long does it last?”
“The hollow feeling?”
I nodded.
Kenji’s thumb slowed against my skin. “That depends on what you try to put inside it.”
“What does that mean?”
“Some people fill the emptiness with liquor. Some use drugs. Sex. Violence. More killing.” His fingers tightened slightly in my braids. “Others fill it with excuses. They repeat that the person deserved to die until they no longer remember why they pulled the trigger.”
I swallowed. “And what did you fill it with?”
Kenji stared past me toward the morning light. “For a long time. . .I filled the hollowness with more rage. I made myself angry enough that I did not have to feel anything else.”
I raised my hands and rested them against his chest. “Did it work?”
“For a while, and then the anger began needing to be fed.”
A chill brushed through me.
Kenji looked back at me. “That is the danger no one tells you about. Violence can make itself useful. At first, you use it to survive. Then you use it to protect someone. Then you use it because it solves problems quickly.”
His gaze held mine. “Eventually, it begins creating problems merely so it can solve them.”
I let out a slow breath. “I. . .watched the life leave her as I choked her.”
“Did you like it?”
“Y-yes. She was looking at me with all of this fear. Finally. And. . .I liked that she finally understood that I was the one ending her life.”
Silence ran between us.
He brushed his thumb beneath my eye. “You must never lie to yourself about why you killed her, Tora.”
“I won’t.” I shivered.
“Then, tell me.”
“Why?”
“Because this is the way to make the hollow feeling lessen.”
I swallowed. “I killed Kiko because. . .I was so fucking mad. I killed her because. . .after protecting her and her unborn children. . .I had to sacrifice mine. I killed her because. . .I didn’t think she deserved a happy ending. Are those. . .bad reasons?”
“No.”
“I don’t regret it.”
“Good. Just. . .next time let me do it so that. . .you don’t have to carry things like this. You are my queen.”
I pressed my palm over his heart. “Queens kill for their kings too, Dragon.”
He curved his mouth into a smile. “Is that right, Tora?”
“Yes. And you are my king, if someone comes for what is ours, and you’re busy already shedding blood well then. . .I will do all the things that must be done.”
“That. . .I know.” He held my gaze.
Sighing, I lowered my view and stared at the dark tattooed dragon curling over his chest. “I keep waiting to feel bad about killing her. It hasn’t come.”
“You may feel bad one day. Remorse does not always arrive when the blood is warm. Sometimes the body is too busy surviving.”