Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 105748 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 529(@200wpm)___ 423(@250wpm)___ 352(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 105748 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 529(@200wpm)___ 423(@250wpm)___ 352(@300wpm)
Taran frowned, her lips parting on an exhalation of surprise. “No. No, Mum didn’t tell me that.”
“Heather and Angus were really fond of Isla.”
She blinked rapidly, glancing away. “She didn’t tell me.”
“I think she didn’t want any hurt feelings.”
“Aye, that sounds like Mum.” Taran took a sip of coffee, and I noted her fingers trembled ever so slightly.
Fuck.
Before I could apologize, she spoke. “Your kids are funny. Though Heather seems a bit angry with you.”
“We’ve sorted that out. It turns out I’m good at solving other people’s problems but not so good at admitting my own out loud.” I studied her, searching for even the smallest reaction. Taran’s expression remained perfectly blank. “Heather … it turned out she just needed to talk to me. So, we talked and things are good between us. She’s wiser than her years, that one.”
“Aye?” Taran gave me a polite smile.
“You know what she said to me? Verbatim: ‘Me and Angus don’t need you to be perfect. We need you to teach us that it’s okay to be imperfect.’”
My ex’s eyebrows rose. “Wow. Powerful words.”
“What is your perspective on our breakup, Taran?”
She reared back like I’d hit her. “Excuse me?”
I winced at my bluntness, but I pushed through the fear that she might get up and walk out. “Seriously. I mean it. I want to hear your side of the story.”
Her glower could have singed a lesser man’s beard off. “What is the point in going over ancient history?”
“Because it’s not history for me,” I confessed gruffly.
Taran’s features slackened, but she didn’t respond.
I persevered. “Fine. Here’s what I know. I feel like you went to Glasgow and you started to push me away and sabotage our relationship. Maybe to make it easier for me in the breakup. I thought it was done for you. That you’d fallen out of love with me. I never expected you to come back and tell me you still loved me.”
The words hung heavy between us.
So heavy, disappointment crept in. Taran didn’t want to talk about it.
But then …
She looked at me, and I saw an ember of the hatred she’d had in her eyes our last day together in my flat. It hit me like a physical burn. “You’re right.” She nodded. “I’ve had years to think back on that time and why I messed you around my first year at uni. Because I did mess with your feelings, and I own that. But you acted so unimpressed and resentful of me being there that that messed with my feelings—”
“I was insecure as fuck,” I admitted, angry as if it was eighteen years ago all over again. “You left me behind and barely called, didn’t come home, and when I did visit, you wanted to hang with your new friends, and you always left me out of the conversation. I wasn’t unimpressed, Taran. I was hurt and scared shitless I was losing you.”
“But you didn’t tell me the last part about being scared to lose me,” she hissed. “You just berated me for my new friends and my uni life. God, Quinn … I look back and realized that you never talked about how you felt when we were kids. I was left stumbling in the dark, trying to figure you out, and it led me to falling over a goddamn cliff.”
I wanted to argue and rage at her because she knew I loved her.
But Cammie’s words stopped me.
The conversation with Heather.
Because this is why I wanted a real conversation with Taran. To confirm doubts that had started to creep in … that Taran wasn’t the only one to blame for us taking that break in the first place.
“I’m sorry.”
“What does it matter now, other than to bring up painful memories?”
“I should have told you how I felt. But we were both to blame for breaking up.”
“I know I asked for the time apart, and I can admit that maybe I had one hand up with you too because I was afraid of how much you meant to me, but it turns out I had every right to be afraid of that.”
I leaned forward, needing her to hear me. “If I was conscious of my actions, no way would I ever have slept with Kiera. I don’t remember it. But Taran, if we’re to make any headway with each other, I need you to know this now … I don’t regret Heather. I regret how it happened, but I don’t regret my daughter.”
Taran searched my face for what felt like a hellishly long moment of silence.
Then she finally spoke. “You want my side of the story, Quinn? Here’s my side of the story. It wasn’t getting Kiera pregnant that broke me. It wasn’t the existence of Heather that broke me.” She stood up slowly and I could feel my fucking heart in my throat. “It never occurred to you for one second to choose me and Heather. To be there for Heather but still be mine too.” Her eyes brightened with unshed tears. “You just cut me out and married Kiera. So … how much could you have really loved me? That’s why I hate you, Quinn. Because if you had loved me even half as much as I loved you … you would never have deleted me so easily from the equation.