Total pages in book: 36
Estimated words: 33526 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 168(@200wpm)___ 134(@250wpm)___ 112(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 33526 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 168(@200wpm)___ 134(@250wpm)___ 112(@300wpm)
I’ve done many awful things that make it hard to look in the mirror. I’ve caused people destruction, pain, and heartache, some deserving, others innocent. I don’t want to inflict any of those on Ella.
When Ella looks at me, I don’t want her to resent me. When her eyes gaze upon me, I want her to see a man who will do anything to keep her safe and ensure she’s happy. “She killed your dad, Ella. She killed your dad, and now she wants to use you before she kills you, too.”
My face stings from her vicious slap, followed by a barrage of attacks from her hands and sharp, unapologetic nails. I dodge her kicks aimed at my crotch. Her fingers scratch my neck as she pushes and pulls on my jacket, shoving me. All this to the soundtrack of her uncontrollable sobs.
“You’re lying. The doctors all said he had a heart attack.” Tears flow down her cheeks as she swallows the pain-flooded agony trying to escape her throat. “You’re a dirty liar. A pathetic liar! I hate you! I hate you!”
“He’s not lying, Ella.” River’s tired voice breaks the excruciating cries raging from Ella. “Celeste is a vindictive little cunt. You never thought it was weird that three grown men were following their mommy around like little boys?”
“Shut up, River,” I demand.
“Tell her the fucking truth,” River roars. Something he rarely does. He prefers the role of a demented clown. A comedian you’d never assume was a sadist. He’d have you laughing right before he smashed your head in and fingerpainted with your blood and guts. “I’m so sick of your shit, Alaric. You make moves like you’re some sort of chess master, but we’re no closer to taking out the opposing queen. Aren’t you fucking tired of playing her games? I know I am.” River nods toward Ella. “Tell her.”
I storm toward River, reaching for his throat and pushing him against the wall. The rage festering inside me is at boiling point, no longer contained by the blank, emotionless mask I’ve worn so meticulously throughout the years. “She’ll fucking kill her. Do you fucking understand that? Celeste will take a knife to her throat, slit it, and bathe in her blood. I won’t lose her.” I abandon River’s throat and collapse onto the floor. Defeat slithers over me, gripping my heart in an unbreakable hold. “I won’t lose the only light I’ve ever known in the world.”
“Then tell her the truth,” River repeats.
“If he won’t tell me, you do it, River. I deserve to know what’s going on because the woman responsible for my father not being here is living in his house. Sleeping in his bed.”
“Celeste is a psychopath,” I whisper. “She’s been like this her entire life. She enjoys killing people, and she’s made me an accessory to it.”
Ella gasps. “What do you mean, an accessory to it? Did you know she was going to kill my father? Did you help her?”
She jumps on top of me. I don’t bother trying to temper her rage. She needs an outlet, and I’ll gladly provide her with one. I let her punch my face. Allow her to scream until she tires herself out.
“Did you help kill him?” she shrieks.
“No. No, I didn’t help her kill your dad. Had I known she was going to do it that night, I would’ve stopped her. I wouldn’t let anyone or anything hurt you. I know how much you loved your father and how important you were to each other. You think I’d ever let anyone devastate you by taking away someone you love so much? I would’ve done anything to keep you from feeling the pain she forced on you.”
“Then what do you mean you had a hand in it? How could you have if you didn’t help her?”
“I could’ve killed her ten years ago, but I didn’t. That woman has used me and the people I care about my entire life. But when the opportunity presented itself, I couldn’t do it. All I kept thinking is, what kind of person kills their own mother, you know? No matter what she’d done, she was the reason I was alive. I’ve gone my whole life protecting her, no matter what she did. Not condoning it, but turning a blind eye to it.” I gazes at Ella and then moves my eyes to Asher and River. A silent apology. “And isn’t that worse? Knowing someone is doing hideous things, causing brutal harm. Knowing you can stop it so easily, with no true hardship to yourself. But you don’t. Because no one wants to admit someone they love and believe in could be so destructive.”
I close my eyes, mentally trying to outrun the things Celeste has made me do. Desperate to wipe away the atrocious situations I’ve been a part of. “Then you came into my life, and I realized that by covering for her, I’d become a despicable human being. I don’t know if I can ever achieve redemption or forgiveness. But I know I have to make things right.”