Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 104869 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 350(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104869 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 350(@300wpm)
The confession dragged a laugh out of Kenny.
“I get that a lot. Which probably means it’s true,” she said and was gratified when her dry comment surprised another, happier, laugh from Tina. “Goodbye, Tina. Please give the babies hugs from me.”
Tina looked like she was about to cry and Kenny really couldn’t handle that. Not right now. She gave her soon-to-be ex-sister-in-law a small smile and left the porch as quickly as her toe would allow.
“The soonest they can get a driver out to me is tomorrow morning,” Kenny told Smith when he finally came inside half an hour later. He and Tina had spent that entire time talking on the patio.
The conversation had been muffled, their tones subdued, and Kenny had deliberately sought to tune them out, not wanting to eavesdrop on whatever they were talking about. She was almost certain it was about her, and she really wasn’t in the mood to hear any more of Smith’s negative opinions about her.
He didn’t say anything in response to her words and strode to the kitchen to grab some water from the fridge.
“I know it’s an inconvenience, but I hope it’s okay if I stay another night?”
He turned to face her, leaned against the fridge and took a thirsty drink from the water bottle, not breaking eye contact until he was done.
“Do I have a choice?” He swiped the back of his forearm over his mouth and capped the bottle again.
“You always have a choice,” she whispered.
“None that don’t make me look like a massive dickhead.”
“Maybe Tina wouldn’t mind if…”
“Stay the fuck away from my sister!” The viciousness in the snarled words took her aback and she recoiled in shock.
“What?”
“You don’t get to make the effort now. Here. At the end of everything. What would be the point of that? Stay away from my family. I won’t allow you to fuck them up too.”
There was only so much venom a person could withstand before it overwhelmed their system and for Kenny, this was the lethal dose.
She struggled to her feet, ignoring his instinctive reach toward her.
“You’ve made it clear that you think I’m an awful person. Cold. Unfeeling. Lacking in both substance and emotion. That about cover it?” she asked, swaying a little beneath the weight of exhaustion and pain.
“You never let me in,” he repeated. “Yesterday was the first time I ever really felt like you needed me.”
“I’m so sorry I’m not some damsel in distress who can’t tie her shoelaces without needing your help.”
“I never wanted a fucking damsel, Kenna!” he snapped. “You’re always so capable. I felt superfluous. Like I served no real purpose in your life. You wouldn’t even tell me about your day when you came home. Even when you were clearly upset about something, you never talked to me about it.”
“I didn’t want to bring my work into our home.”
“So you chose what? Sterile silence instead? We never spoke about anything meaningful. Even losing our baby didn’t warrant any kind of discussion.” She swayed again and he swore. “Christ, Kenna, sit down before you fall over.”
She ignored him, leaning on her cane for dear life.
“I know that in coming here I’ve pretty much given you permission to shit all over me,” she said, voice wobbling. “I’m here to choke down all of that delicious humble pie, after all. Here to apologize. Take the blame for everything. Beg you to forgive me and take me back. So fucking sorry I couldn’t be the wife you wanted me to be, Smith. Sorry I internalized everything instead of sharing it with a man who never gave me any indication that he felt anything more for me than fondness and sexual attraction.”
“Bullsh—”
She held up a hand and glared at him. “No. You’ve said your piece. You’ve been very vocal about where you think the blame lies. And, for the most part, I agree with you. I could have been more emotionally available. I should have shared my crippling, excruciating pain at the loss of our baby with you.” He made a quiet, distressed sound at the back of his throat at her words. “All the nights I cried myself to sleep, I should have called for you. Allowed you to hold me and held you in return. We should have mourned together. I made those mistakes. I can’t undo them. But I also can’t change who I am.”
“I didn’t want you to change, goddamnit.” His voice was low, frustrated. He raked an irate hand through his hair, leaving it a shaggy mess. “I just wanted to know you.”
The silence between them teemed with sad regret. An ocean of unspoken conversations between them. Decisions not made and roads not taken.
“I understand that now. But you’re hurting me, Smith.”
His face went slack and his pupils dilated.
“And maybe…” Her vision went wavy with hot tears. “Maybe I deserve it, but I find I’m not as thick-skinned as I believed I was. I’m not strong enough to take this punishment any longer.”