Total pages in book: 113
Estimated words: 110360 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 552(@200wpm)___ 441(@250wpm)___ 368(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110360 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 552(@200wpm)___ 441(@250wpm)___ 368(@300wpm)
I sat back on my ass, staring out at the woman in the round pen. God, did I understand that sentiment.
He sucked in a deep breath so packed with love and devotion, it seeped into my chest as well. “All my friends wanted boys. Not me though. A son carries your name, but a daughter carries your heart. And between Jenn and Lofton, it’s a wonder I even have enough left in my chest to keep beating. You got a family, Roger?”
I didn’t. I was a single man with not so much as a goldfish waiting for me at home. And yet my mouth still answered, “I got a woman. It’s new though.”
“She a good one?”
“She’s incredible.”
“Then you already did the hard part, because finding a good woman is the closest thing a man’s ever gonna get to a guarantee in this life.” His thumb dragged along the edge of his palm, absent, as if he were tracing something only he could see. “You can do everything right. Work hard. Build something with your own two hands. Keep the lights on and a roof over their head. And still, it can all fall apart in a blink. But a good woman?” He shook his head in silent disbelief. “She’ll weather even the darkest storm with you. She’ll hold the pieces together when you don’t have the strength. She’ll make a hard life feel, not necessarily easy, but definitely worth it.”
My hand tightened around the rusted edge of the mower, the truth in his words pressing in on my lungs that suddenly didn’t want to cooperate with the whole oxygen thing.
“If you’re lucky enough to have that kind of woman now, don’t waste it.”
It was hard to set me on edge, but as if Lofton had inherited the trait directly from the man himself, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end when he looked at me, his blue eyes clearer than they had any right to be.
“You don’t wait for the right time,” he implored. “You don’t tell yourself you’ll get around to it when things settle down. Life doesn’t settle. It just keeps moving. And if you aren’t careful, it’ll move right past you. I spent too many years thinkin’ I had more time. More mornings. More dinners. More chances to choose her over everything else.” A quiet breath left him. “Turns out, time’s the one thing you don’t get to bargain with.”
My back shot straight. In that moment, Lawrence Beck was lost decades in the past, where his children were still young and his wife still alive, but his present had somehow broken through, shredding him even if he didn’t totally understand why.
Tears welled in his eyes. “I still got ‘em, but I already miss ‘em.”
I swallowed hard, as if that would somehow stop the burn building in my throat. I shifted my focus back to the mower, reaching for a hose that didn’t need adjusting, just to give my hands something to do. Anything to keep from acknowledging the weight of what he’d just handed me.
“So if you’ve got a woman out there who looks at you like you’re somethin’ worth holdin’ onto…” My pulse kicked up. I knew exactly what he was about to say, and I knew it was going to hit me so deep in a place Lawrence Beck had no way of knowing existed inside me.
Or maybe he was far more astute than I ever gave him credit for.
He leaned toward me, dropping his voice as if he were rushing a secret. “Then you hold on right back. With both hands.”
Suddenly, that shed felt too small.
Too real.
Wasn’t that what I feared after all?
The real world—with Lofton. When I was no longer just the steady, but rather a man who made mistakes, a man who didn’t always say the right thing or show her the patience that she deserved.
My greatest insecurity escaped with unstoppable speed. “How do I know if I’m man enough to deserve her?”
He scoffed. “Don’t be a fool, Roger. You’ll never deserve her. I sure as hell don’t deserve my Clara. But she’s loved me through every mistake, every long day, every time I chose this place over her when I shouldn’t have. And she’s never made me feel less for it. Look, we’re men. You’re gonna screw up, you’re gonna argue, you’re gonna apologize, and then you’re gonna make up. It’s the circle of love. As long as you don’t do anything you can’t take back, don’t call her names she can’t forget, and you spend every day trying to make sure you’re making her life as good as she’s making yours, you’ll be fine.”
I blew out a breath through my nose and pushed to my feet, needing the movement and the illusion of control.
Maybe I’d been wrong, and I was setting myself up for failure with Lofton. Because waiting for the inevitable wasn’t holding on with both hands. It wasn’t fighting for a good woman or proving to her—and myself—that I’m the man she deserves.