Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 54852 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 274(@200wpm)___ 219(@250wpm)___ 183(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 54852 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 274(@200wpm)___ 219(@250wpm)___ 183(@300wpm)
“Hey, Ma,” I said after she stopped her book right as the sleuth uncovered a new clue. “Sorry to bug you. Rachel said the bedroom air conditioner is acting up?”
“Oh, I didn’t want her to bother you.” She made a dismissive gesture with a knitting needle. “I can live with a fan. Only a few more weeks of this heat.”
“It’s not you I’m worried about. Hastings hates the heat,” I joked because I knew she’d care more about Hastings’s comfort than her own.
Not unlike how Harrison kept trying to put me first. As if saving me from some vague future loss was more important than his own present happiness. Huh. Maybe it wasn’t simply him being stubborn. But it was still frustrating. I headed toward her first-floor bedroom.
The air conditioner was an older unit that I’d been babying along for several years. It was probably reaching the end of what I could do to keep it going, but I still wasn’t giving up.
Giving up. Is that what I was doing with Harrison? Giving up because I wasn’t sure I could fix him? Or us? He wasn’t some plastic and metal machine with a faulty plug. I knew that. He was only human, and I wasn’t ever going to be able to make him stop worrying.
Besides, a lot of the time I liked his intense scrutiny, the way he could analyze a problem from multiple angles, the way he was cautious and organized. It made it that much sweeter when he did loosen up, like it was a gift that only I could coax from him.
Was I really going to give up on what we had? Walking away from him today had been a preemptive move. Was that better than if he walked away from me after getting bad news about his health?
Like with the AC, sometimes what appeared broken was actually fixable. A new plug and it was back to chugging along until the next time it needed repair. The biggest effort had been me deciding not to give up on it quite yet.
“All fixed,” I reported back to Ma. “That should do for the rest of the summer, hopefully. Maybe we can get a new unit before next summer.”
“Maybe.” She smiled, but her tone was pragmatic. “I wouldn’t want to trouble you. Or the budget.”
“It’s no trouble.”
When it came down to it, everything was trouble. Unexpected expenses. Unpredictable losses. But whenever we truly wanted or needed something, somehow, we found a way to work it in. Exactly how I’d found a way to work Harrison into my summer, when I’d been so sure I couldn’t make a relationship work. And if I truly wanted to keep that good thing going, maybe I shouldn’t shy away from the trouble of figuring things out.
Brain still all muddled, I gave my mom a kiss on the head. “Guess I better head back to Rachel. You get some rest.”
“You too. I thought this was your night to eat in town with Harrison?”
“Didn’t work out,” I said, even as I wondered if that was true.
“That’s too bad. He’s good for you.”
“Maybe.” I said another goodbye and strode toward the door, but her words lingered.
The whole time I’d known Harrison, I’d been focused on me being good for him, on loosening him up, bringing joy back to his life, getting him to live in the moment. But maybe it went both ways. I’d been mired in work for years now, plodding along, happy but not acknowledging that something might be missing from my life.
As I walked down the hill, I caught a glimpse of Rachel outside the farm stand. Far from the kid I still thought of her as, she was twenty-eight now. She joked about her bad luck with boyfriends, but soon enough, she’d find the one, start a family, and I’d truly be the bachelor uncle. Harrison was always going on about how old he felt, but in that moment, I could see myself getting older right here, while the world around me moved on. And for the first time, I didn’t like that vision, didn’t want to be alone, didn’t want to give up on the idea of having a partner.
“You’re back,” Rachel greeted me. “Were you victorious?”
It took me a minute to realize she meant the air conditioner and not my deep thinking about Harrison. “I tried. Guess it will hold for now.”
That was true for the AC. But if I were honest, it wasn’t true for Harrison and me. I’d walked away first. I’d assumed what we had wouldn’t hold up. I was…
Chicken.
And that wouldn’t do. I had to fix this or at least know that I’d tried. I turned to tell Rachel that I needed to head back into town, but the sound of tires on gravel stopped me. Sure enough, Harrison’s little SUV pulled in at the farm stand.