Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 86177 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 431(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 287(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86177 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 431(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 287(@300wpm)
Her insecurities gutted me. “What? No.”
“I stink?”
I roughed a hand over my face. “No. Well, we both do. That industrial soap in the bathrooms before dinner helped a little. After years in close quarters with Marine Raiders, my sense of smell is scorched. One time, I sat in a pigsty with an MK18 carbine mounted with a holographic sight for hours. Didn’t take a breath.”
She chuckled, despite herself, the sound pulling at something tight in my chest. I needed to fully explain why I stopped so she’d never have to be insecure around me. Never have to wonder. Two reasons. One—“We sort of stepped on a crime scene.”
“What?” She rushed off the table.
I crouched down, pointing to the familiar splotch on Mam’s festive rug on the white portion of a USA flag. “Blood.”
“That’s … something recent? Maybe someone had a papercut or a nosebleed.”
Standing, I approached a set of built-in cabinets and opened them. I waved a hand. “Exhibit A. More of the same rug. The matriarch of Clan MacKenzie always buys extra to swap them out when—”
“Your mam.” She took on the accent. What a hell of a job.
“I don’t talk like that.”
“You do.” Jordyn folded her arms. “You—”
“I hold no grudges against them.” I had to get to point two and eliminate her insecurities, but Jordyn put her hand on her hip. And you didn’t cut off a woman when she did that.
“You’re gonna refer to her as Mom, Mam, Momma, bruh. I don’t care. Put some respect on her name. She pushed you into this world, sweating, bleeding, and hollering. No matter how horrible this place is, she gave you a chance.”
I stared at Jordyn for a beat. Man, she had that mouth. For the first time, I wondered if she was using it wisely. Wriggling my jaw, I continued, “Mom purchases more than one rug when updating the office each season and tells the family—” My family? Crap, Jordyn had a way of making me feel petty at the moment. “Tells ‘em to swap out the rug if necessary.” I reached down, moved a portion of the rug, and gestured to the trap door, mostly hidden by the desk. “Maybe if I tell you what goes on down there, you’ll be on my side.”
I didn’t believe that how far a man fell away from God dictated much. They all had a chance at forgiveness. The second a searing pain struck a Clan MacKenzie enemy as they lay on that cold slab down there, they’d remember their Maker. But what of my clan? Would they stop playing judge? That answer resounded in my mind. A big fat nae.
Here, I wanted to discuss us, but my family kept coming up. After all those years away, they’d pushed their way into my life. My mind. The only relationship I cared about.
Jordyn took my hand. “Based on the look in your eyes, I get the similarities between their actions and our ordeal. Just a different approach—physical strength instead of sexual subjugation. I know without a doubt that they haven’t crossed that line. Maybe I’m biased. It’s easier for me to hate someone who dominates to capture another’s innocence. To dehumanize them with slaps, and choking, and …” Her voice broke. “All the other things I’ve gone through.”
Her truth wasn’t easy. But it was honest, and in all honesty, I wanted to expire every man who’d ever touched her.
As if she sensed that I’d always protect her, Jordyn smiled reluctantly. “But the way I see it, Jamie, your parents judge wrongs. Just like you.”
My anger spiked. “Why are you giving them a pass, Jordyn? What’s wrong is wrong! I give people a choice. To do better. To change.”
She tilted her head, no judgment passed over her face, just factual assessment. “I get it. You feel remorse for the gardener, Hector. That was a mistake. PTSD. But now … if someone doesn’t do better? They die, huh?”
Okay, maybe not facts, then.
“They—” Aye, I was gonna steer us right back to the real problem: Those MacKenzies she loved to bring up. “They initiate gun deals! Drugs!” I snapped, using more force behind my words than I intended. “I assure you; their sole pursuit is their own agenda!”
Jordyn flinched, and I instantly hated myself for it. “I’m sor—”
“No. It’s okay, Jamie. You’ve been on the other end of my rants.”
“Hey.” I cupped her face with my hands, anchoring her with my touch. “You don’t deserve me yelling at you. But you do deserve to understand me better, Jordyn. The look I saw on your face after we stopped kissing just now … it wrecked me.”
Arms crossed, Jordyn looked away. Her lip trembled before she caught it between her teeth. That same wall she’d torn down so many times—the one fortified by shame, by survival—re-erected itself. Insecurity signed itself all over her face.