Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 88212 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88212 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
He opens the book, and there’s relief in just seeing it open for the first time.
“I think it will open your eyes to a lot of things that maybe you need to hear,” Dad said.
Despite Dax braving this for me, I can tell by the way he licks his lips, he’s nervous too, not knowing what this says or how it could affect me. But he doesn’t leave me in suspense. “Today’s been one of the hardest I’ve had in a long time. There’s a picture of Sean, Miles, and me from a snow day. It was a beautiful day, building a snowman and having a snowball fight. For a few hours, I forgot about all this pain. When it was just us having a pleasant time. I try to keep it close to remind me of the good times, and that nothing in the world could mean more to me than these two incredible guys. I’m so lucky to have them, and that’s partly why I know something’s wrong. Because everything in me just wants it all to stop hurting, and I’m so terrified I might do something. I don’t want to leave my husband and baby behind. But I also don’t want them to see me struggle. And I especially don’t want to be the one to ruin Miles’s life. He’s such a bright light, and I want him to shine, and it’s horrifying knowing I might be the one to ruin it all for him.”
Dax stops reading, and tears burst from my eyes, sliding down my cheeks.
“That’s all it says,” he tells me.
As I erupt into trembles, he sets the diary on the comforter and draws close, putting his arms around me, once again intuiting my needs. A very Dax thing.
A frenzy of chaotic emotions overwhelms me.
“Are you okay?” Dax whispers.
“It’s just a lot. The hurt of knowing Mom was in so much pain. The relief that it wasn’t all a lie, that some of those good days in my mind were real. But mostly, that she didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to leave me, Dax.”
“No, she didn’t.”
“It’s what you said before. She was trying to protect us, but whatever was happening in her mind was just too much for her.”
He keeps me close, tightening his hold. “She loved you,” he reminds me, echoing something I’m only now really appreciating.
“She really did. And so did Dad. It doesn’t fix any of it, but it helps.”
“I can only imagine.” He nestles his face against my cheek, offering a tender kiss.
I cling to my Dax, reveling in the realization that Mom’s love was real. I’ve spent so much of my life fearing it was just in my damn mind.
And just as important, it reminds me of the love I have today.
The love I share with him.
My boyfriend.
My sunshine.
My Dax.
THE END