Total pages in book: 56
Estimated words: 54091 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 270(@200wpm)___ 216(@250wpm)___ 180(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 54091 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 270(@200wpm)___ 216(@250wpm)___ 180(@300wpm)
“Looking where, though?” Carter says. “We don’t know where she is.”
My chest gets tight as I imagine what could be happening to Mara right now. My Mara. Our relationship developed unconventionally, but I’m all in. I’ve never been happier. Instead of feeling like a broken man hiding from himself, I feel like a whole man.
I don’t know how to handle her being in danger. My chest pain worsens and I sit down, pressing a palm to my chest and taking a few deep breaths.
“You okay?” Lainey asks.
“I don’t ... I can’t ...” I breathe harder, struggling to find breath.
Carter kneels in front of me. “Slow down your breathing, Leo. Take a nice deep breath through your nose and out through your mouth.”
I try, but when I imagine some crazed maniac putting his hands on Mara, the pain intensifies and I double over.
“Whoa,” Carter says. “Let’s get him lying down.”
Carter and Bash each take a side, awkwardly trying to get me to lie down. I’m so big that it’s a struggle.
“My meds,” I manage. “I need my meds.”
“Where are they?” Lainey asks.
“In my car.” I groan, the pain intensifying. Maybe this really is a heart attack. “The console. Atarax.”
“Get his car keys,” Suki says.
Bash digs them from my pocket, my vision starting to blur. I fight to get a breath into my lungs.
“Leo, listen to me,” Carter says. “Slow. Slow your breathing.”
“We need to call for an ambulance,” Bash says.
“No,” I manage, panting out a breath. “Anxiety.”
Carter takes my hand and puts it on his chest. “Feel my breathing and follow it. In through your nose ... good. Now out. Slowly.”
My chest still burns, but I feel the rise and fall of his chest, not thinking of anything but following it. I can’t get sent to the hospital right now. Not when Mara needs me to be strong.
“Here it is,” Lainey says from nearby. “And water.”
“I’m putting a pill in your mouth,” Bash says.
I open my lips and he drops it in.
“Take some water,” he says.
Water spills from the bottle onto the couch as he tries to get it into my mouth. I move my head to make it easier and swallow the pill.
“Keep breathing,” Carter says.
Once my breathing is under control, the pain lessens. I take a minute to get myself together before I sit up.
All four of my friends are giving me concerned looks. Bash and Lainey are standing together, his arm around her, and Carter and Suki are standing with Darling between them. Even the pig looks worried.
“I’m okay,” I say, embarrassment setting in. “I have anxiety and depression and I take medication for both. That medication I just took helps me with anxiety attacks.”
Carter furrows his brow. “How long has this been going on?”
I exhale deeply, scrubbing a hand down my face. “The anxiety and depression, around ten years. The medication, in the past year.”
“Oh, Leo.” Suki comes over and sits down next to me, putting a hand on my back. “I’m so glad you got help.”
I can’t even look at any of them. I feel like I just changed the way they’ll see me forever.
“You didn’t want us to know,” Carter says.
I scoff. “Yeah, it fucking sucks. I had an anxiety attack after a game last year and Caroline spotted it. She made me start seeing a psychiatrist.”
“Does it help?”
“Yeah. The meds and therapy help, but they don’t just take it away.”
“Everyone goes through shit like that,” Carter says. “Anyone who says they don’t is lying. I’m here anytime you want to talk.”
“Yeah, me too,” Bash says. “That was scary as shit, man. I hate that you thought you needed to go through that alone.”
“I didn’t want you guys to see me differently.”
“That’ll never happen,” Carter says. “We’ve been through too much together.”
I nod, my worries for Mara returning full force. “Mara knows, and she still—” I can’t speak past the lump in my throat. “I need her to be okay.”
Now I’m crying, for fuck’s sake. The only embarrassing thing left to do in front of my friends is to shit my pants—that’s probably next.
Suki leans against my shoulder. “I know. She’s—” She jumps away from me, scrambling to pull her cell phone from her pocket. “Hello? This is she ... okay.”
We all stare at her in complete silence. Her eyes are wide with fear. If Mara’s not okay, I’m going to find the guy who hurt her and make him pay. I don’t care about the consequences.
She was just doing her job. She was trying to help a woman escape her abuser. That guy needs to try taking a swing at me so he can find out what it’s like to be outmatched.
“Okay,” Suki says. “Thanks for the update. Call me as soon as you know anything.”
She ends the call.
“They know where she is. She’s at the home of the guy who sent her the email.”