Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 90768 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 454(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90768 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 454(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
“Thank fuck,” I say under my breath, but I must not be as quiet as I’d hoped.
The three of them stare at me.
“I’m exhausted. Your brother might be tougher than Coach Hogan, and I didn’t think that was possible. I’m going home to bed.”
Asher smiles. “Trust me, that was him messing with you. He can be a lot worse.”
“How did he end up being an assistant coach for a college hockey team?” Beck asks. “Did I miss where Boston didn’t renew his contract?”
Jacobs slashes at his throat.
“Google it” is all Asher says and walks off.
“I said something insensitive again, didn’t I?” Beck asks.
“Yep, you’re still a doofus,” I say.
“What am I missing?”
Jacobs turns to his boyfriend. “Their parents fucking died, man. Car crash. Now Westly is a father to all his brothers and sisters. And Asher? He was drafted to Buffalo in the sixth round but turned it down.”
“Oh, shit.”
“Damn,” I say. “I didn’t know about Buffalo, just the rest.”
The whole walk to the dorms, all I can think about is how quickly Asher’s and Coach Dalton’s lives changed. An NHL star, another drafted, their future ahead of them, and now …
I take out my phone and send off a message.
Richie: If I died tomorrow, would you regret never knowing who I am?
Einstein: I … don’t know how to answer that or why you’re asking such deep questions for a Monday evening.
Richie: Don’t mind me. Rough day. Just got some smack you in the face perspective, and I don’t like it.
Einstein: Are you ok?
Richie: Tired.
Einstein: Is that all it is?
Of course it isn’t. I blame my tired brain for even starting this conversation in the first place, because after Thanksgiving, I’ve told myself to keep being patient. I’ve given Einstein his space.
But is it really so unbelievable to him that I want to know him for real?
Richie: I think I would regret it. Never meeting you. But you don’t need to worry, I’m not going anywhere.
Einstein: Is this your way of asking to meet face to face?
Richie: Yes? No? You said this whole online thing is to figure out if you feel a connection in person, and the only way to do that is to actually meet me. It feels like the next step here, right?
Einstein: I know …
Richie: But you’re still not ready. Got it.
The disappointment sucks, but if I’m honest, I was expecting that. If he didn’t want to meet on Thanksgiving, he’s not going to want to meet now.
Maybe he doesn’t want to meet at all … Ever.
I don’t know what I’d do if that was the case.
Einstein: It’s not that I don’t want to. I do. I really, really do. Probably too much. Which is why it terrifies me. What if I’m not attracted to you in person?
Richie: I’m very hot, so …
I immediately regret typing that.
Richie: Sorry, bad joke. I know looks isn’t a factor for you.
Einstein: What if you’re not attracted to me? You’ve never been with a guy, and you are a visual person. You might not like that I’m not some blond puck bunny.
Richie: *Gasp* You said a dirty word that has to do with another word that starts with H.
Einstein: Still doesn’t answer me. What if we do meet and I feel something for you in person, and then you don’t like the look of me?
Richie: I like the look of your cock. Does that count? What did I tell you the first time we ever chatted? Paper bags are useful for so many things.
Einstein: I’m not ready.
I can’t even be mad. This needs to happen on his time. He’s worth it, but it’s getting hard.
Richie: Okay.
Einstein: I’m sorry.
For the first time since we started talking online, I fall asleep at a reasonable hour because the usual thrill I get from talking to him is drowned out by disappointment and doubt.
After being so sure this morning, I’m now wondering if we’re destined to only know each other online.
December
Einstein: How’s your day been?
Richie: Busy, actually. Just on the way out.
Einstein: Okay, talk later?
Richie: Sure thing.
11
Seth
Something’s changed. After I told Richie I wasn’t sure about meeting up, he’d seemed disappointed but fine. We messaged every day, we sexted a few times, but in the few weeks since, I’ve realized I’m always the one texting first.
We still speak nearly every day, but there’s no more all night messages or flirty suggestions, and so now, I’m starting to panic.
Maybe I should have just done it at Thanksgiving instead of getting blackout drunk.
He keeps telling me he’s happy to wait for me to be ready, and I want to believe it, but I can’t expect him to be patient forever. I’m also getting these gross feelings that he’s been talking to other people.
Can you be possessive over someone you’ve never met?
Apparently I can.
I’m tempted to message him constantly, reminding him I’m still here and nothing has changed, but I think it might be past that.