Total pages in book: 68
Estimated words: 64917 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 325(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 216(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 64917 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 325(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 216(@300wpm)
“I got your text,” he stated, voice quiet, rougher than usual. “I wrote you a letter. Might hit your mailbox tomorrow. It says the same thing I’m about to say. I didn’t come to this table tonight to win you. I came so you wouldn’t have to hear the truth from a stranger paid to hurt you. I came so you understand the man I am I will always face my wrongs as well as my rights. You don’t have to understand my why nor do you have to forgive me.”
“I told you I wouldn’t be a pawn,” I stated, trying to keep my voice steady. “I meant it.”
“I heard you,” he remarked. “I believe you. I also want you to understand though, you aren’t a pawn. There wasn’t some tactic to use you as blackmail against your father. I won’t lie, though, you were a way for me to get close to your father to be in his face. I wanted him to look at me with you and be forced to think about what he did to my son. What I wasn’t prepared for was the woman you are.”
Wind moved the leaves. Somewhere a screen door slapped. My heart banged hard enough I could feel it in my throat. “Hampton Stanley said I stepped into a man’s war.”
“He’s wrong,” Gonzo responded. “You stepped into a manipulator’s lair. That’s different.”
I looked at him then. Really looked, not the way you peek at a wound to see how bad it is. He stood with his hands open, not fists. No apology on his mouth because he wasn’t the one who would be giving it. No demand, either. Just a man who knew the weight of the thing between us and wasn’t going to pretend it was light.
“Did you use me in any capacity?” I asked, because the knife that had been stuck there since my apartment needed to come out or I was going to bleed around it forever.
“Yes.” He didn’t look away. “I wanted you,” he continued. “That started before I had all the information. When I did learn more about you, I should’ve walked away. I didn’t. That’s on me. I asked your father to step up tonight because using you is the last thing I ever wanted to be true, but it is. I came into this wanting to show your father, I could get to him. I wanted to remind him there were repercussions for what he did to my son. And I won’t lie and say there were moments before I shared a breath with you that I thought yes, you deserved to pay for the sins of your father the way my son paid for mine. But I pulled over after loosening the battery cable on your car and met your gaze in the dark of night. A moment when a young woman on the side of the road in the dark was vulnerable and I expected to meet a meek, mild girl. Instead, I locked eyes to yours and saw a quiet strength. I saw a woman unafraid of the world even the bad things like an unexpected breakdown. From the moment I shared space with you, I was gone in a way I had never been before. I wanted your dad to face what he did tonight while I faced you. I don’t want it to be this way. I wished I could tell you that no, I didn’t use you. But the truth is, yes that’s how it started, but it’s not at all how it ended. And the only way to hope you could see that is to put you in a room where you are given all of it and then able choose without anyone’s hand on your back what you want in your future.”
“Choose,” I repeated, dumbly, because the word felt too big for my mouth.
“Me,” he said, quiet. “Or not me. But now knowing that when I said I wasn’t a good man, you at least know while I am the worst of the worst, I don’t ever do anything without cause or reason. Yes, I will kill for my family and you should know when I say it, I mean it. I want this, IvaLeigh. You woke something up inside me that I’ve never felt before. I can’t tell you it’s gonna be easy. I’m anything but an easy man. What I can tell you, though, I’d do anything for you including walking away. I fell in love with you in the midst of the worst experience of my life. You have seen the worst parts of me and the lengths I will go to and not apologize. And even with all of that, I’m asking you to choose. And I’m hoping somewhere you can find a way to still choose me.”