Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
“Because you’re you,” Josh said simply, as if that explained everything, which raised my hackles.
“Please don’t use what I told you against me like that.”
“I’m not. I didn’t mean it that way, but that’s a concern too. Do you know what Kellan said to me today? Don’t hurt my brother. We were working out, and Callum and Nat said something that made him think something had gone down between us, and he told me not to hurt you, that he couldn’t live with it if I did.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need Kellan to take care of me.”
“Kellan never needed you to take care of him, but that didn’t stop you.”
He had a point, but I shook it off. “Yeah, and he fucked my best friend, and hid it from me. Would have kept hiding it if I hadn’t found out another way. Why are Kellan and Chase and everyone else able to have this—to fuck around with someone whenever they want—but I’m not? I think the reason this works with you is because we’re friends. There’s that bond or connection or whatever. But it’s not anything more than that. This isn’t new for you, but it is for me.”
Josh took a deep breath, closed his eyes. “This is new for me.”
I paused, took a step closer. “What do you—”
“Nothing. Just the friend thing, the kind of friendship we have and the way we’re tied together, is all I meant.” Josh began walking toward me. He cupped my face with so much tenderness, then pressed a slow, soft kiss to my lips. “You’ve got too nice a dick. I don’t think I can walk away from this.”
“From my cock, huh?”
“Yeah, I mean, you’re annoying. Your dick, on the other hand…” He palmed me through my jeans, and I growled in response. “What are you saying you want here? We just…secretly hook up? A friends-with-benefits thing?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Yeah, on the friends-with-benefits thing, but no on the secret part. You’ve never hidden sex, so why would you hide it with me?” The thought hurt, but I tried not to show it. “We’re two grown-ass men, something Kellan has told me more than once. We’re allowed to have sex if we want. We both know what this is. It’s what you do all the time.”
He flinched.
“I didn’t mean—”
“No, it’s true.”
“It probably won’t take long for us to get tired of each other. Kellan and everyone else will have to understand.” My brother had no room to get angry with me or Josh. I just… For once I wanted to feel like everyone else. I wanted to throw caution to the wind and have fun and hook up without all the questions and feeling less than. I wanted to savor this feeling, and it made sense to do it with Josh. I wanted to feel free. Christ, I’d never in my whole life felt free, had I? It had always been about someone else, but this, Josh, this was just for me.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” he asked.
“No, but when have I ever done something simply because I wanted it, and without worrying about everyone else or the consequences?”
“So you want to do me because you want me?” he teased.
“Strangely, yes. But only if you want it too. I don’t want us to do something you don’t feel comfortable with.” Josh had a history I would never understand.
He sighed, purposefully overdramatically. “I guess… I mean, sex with a rugged, sexy guy. It could be worse.”
“I don’t want to share,” I admitted. “If that’s a deal breaker, let me know. I might not be enough for—”
“Shut up, Griff. I said no to numerous people just thinking of the possibility of having sex with you. You’ve already had me breaking my rules without even asking me to.”
He pressed his forehead to mine, and I couldn’t help but kiss him. It felt so damn good to be able to do that.
“I need to be the one to tell Kellan,” he said.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, yeah I am.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Josh
I was a liar.
I’d been up all night, my thoughts spinning circles around my brain. About Doug, how I’d felt about him, what I’d lost. The fact that I didn’t deserve this, what Griff was giving me, but I still wouldn’t say no.
That wasn’t what made me a liar, though. No, that was what I’d said to Griff. He’d told me this was different for him, and I’d admitted it was for me too. Then I’d said it was the friend thing, but that wasn’t the case. The truth was, I was afraid I could fall for Griff. Hell, maybe in some ways I already had, maybe I’d been slowly falling for months, with each joke, each tease, each fishing trip and conversation, and I hadn’t known it. So yeah, this was different for me because I never had this. Since losing Doug, I’d been afraid of getting hurt, of feeling something, of wanting more. And now that maybe I did, I had no idea what to do about it.