Total pages in book: 149
Estimated words: 151384 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 757(@200wpm)___ 606(@250wpm)___ 505(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 151384 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 757(@200wpm)___ 606(@250wpm)___ 505(@300wpm)
“I’ll get her,” Tobias said, moving toward the door.
“No, wait!” she cried. “I’m all right. I just . . . need a moment.”
“You need more painkillers,” Jenner told her firmly.
“I don’t . . . I’m fine. Just give me a moment.” She stayed still and tried to relax, just breathing in and out slowly. “Tell me what you mean.”
“He planned to take you as his next wife. Or that’s what he told me. I think it was to get a reaction, I’m not sure it was actually true. But he seemed to figure out how much you meant to me. And he used you to control me.”
“Oh God.” Now she felt really ill. And it had nothing to do with her injuries. “Jenner . . .”
He cupped her face between his hands. “This is not your fault. You hear me? You cannot take this on. I refuse to allow it. But, yeah, he used to tell me . . . he’d tell me all the things that he planned to do when he got hold of you. And, baby, fuck, they were messed up. They were sick. And sometimes, I’d get mad and try to attack him. That never ended well for me. Other times, I’d throw up. Again, it never ended well for me. He was a fucking evil bastard who psychologically and physically tortured me. And he used you to do it.”
“I’m surprised you don’t hate me.”
“Could never hate you, Immy. Ever. But it made me protective of you. So protective. And I put you up on this pedestal in my mind. Don’t get me wrong, you deserve to be there. But in my mind, you were so far above me that I could never dare to touch you. To deserve you. And I have that evil bastard’s blood in my veins. I don’t know that I fully trust myself. What if . . . what if there is more of him inside me than even I know? What if I hurt you?”
“Jenner, you could never hurt me.” She grasped hold of his hand with her good hand. “Ever.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do know that. You’re a good man. All you have ever done is protect and take care of me, often at the expense of yourself.”
He shook his head, giving her a fierce look. “I will always take care of you, Immy. You come first. That’s something Tobias and I agree on.”
“We do,” Tobias agreed in a low rumble.
“I think that’s another reason I find it easier to accept sharing you. Because if I ever started to act like him, I know that Tobias would put me on my ass. That he’d take me out before I could harm you. That gives me a lot of peace of mind.”
“Tobias doesn’t need to do anything to you, because you would never harm me,” Immy told him.
“I wouldn’t allow him to,” Tobias growled.
She glared at him. He was not being helpful.
“Having Tobias in the relationship helps. So does therapy. I decided that I no longer wanted my father to control me. That’s what he was doing. He was still controlling me from the grave. And it was making me miserable. Worse, it was hurting you. I didn’t think I deserved you, Immy. And when I thought about touching you, kissing you, making love to you, it would bring up memories of what he’d said to me.”
“Oh no.” Would he ever be able to touch her like that?
“But the therapist has helped me a lot. He’s shown me different ways to cope when the memories try to overcome me. I have coping mechanisms and I’m able to separate my Immy from what he said. From that Immy, who never actually existed. Does that make sense?”
“It does.”
“The therapist is also helping me to see that I don’t have to take everything on my shoulders. All the responsibility of taking care of everyone. That part is surprisingly hard. I’m ready to make you mine, but I’m not so sure I’m ready to let go of feeling responsible for everyone. However, I also don’t want to be this workaholic. So I’m trying to sort my head out. And my therapist is helping.”
“I’m so glad. I don’t want you to feel that you have to work yourself to death for us and I hate that when you looked at me, you saw whatever your father said about me.”
“It was bad. Really bad,” he said. “I’d wake up in nightmares. That was also the reason I’d sneak into your room at the cult. I was scared that he was going to follow through and actually do some of the things he’d said he would do.”
God. She couldn’t even imagine what he’d gone through.
“I thought it would be better after we left the cult and for a while, it was. Until my feelings for you started to change and develop and every time I got attracted to you . . . I felt like the worst bastard in the world. As though I was scum.”