Total pages in book: 180
Estimated words: 182075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 910(@200wpm)___ 728(@250wpm)___ 607(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 182075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 910(@200wpm)___ 728(@250wpm)___ 607(@300wpm)
He looked at the test, then up at her. “Can’t believe you kept these.”
She shrugged. “I know it’s sappy, but these things came to mean so much to me. When I was scared or alone or sad, I’d bring them out and look at them. They’d wrap me up in happiness.”
“Baby girl,” he murmured. She leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around her. “I don’t want to fuck this up. To mess you up. Us up. My father wanted an emotionless, obedient son who would cower to him. I can’t remember much about my mum. But I do remember that her laugh could light up a room and once she was gone all the color in my life disappeared. Until I met this cute girl with a love of pompoms and a huge well of fierce loyalty. I’m sorry that I hurt you.”
“I won’t tell you it’s okay, because it’s not. But I get it. I do. I’ve felt unworthy before. I’ve felt like I didn’t belong. Sometimes I suppress how I feel to protect myself. Feeling love for someone is scary because you could lose them. But the alternative is to never have them. And I don’t want to live without you guys.”
“And we never want to live without you.” He lifted her onto his lap. “I love you, baby girl.”
“I love you too.”
63
It was Christmas Eve.
Indie sat on the sofa and stared at the Christmas tree in thought. She’d never loved Christmas. She’d loved the buildup. The twinkling lights and watching Christmas movies. But Christmas Day had usually been filled with disappointment.
Santa had never come to her as a child.
Now, of course, she knew that was all because of her mother. But it still hurt. It wasn’t until she’d moved in with Slade and his father that she’d started to get presents. Her mother had likely felt forced to pretend to be a decent parent.
Thankfully, she’d managed to get the guys some gifts. She’d even bought some for Button.
Was that weird when he or she wasn’t born yet?
But it was just some clothes and a soft mat for tummy time. There were so many more things to get, but she felt overwhelmed by it all
She’d started to see a therapist. She’d only been to two sessions with her but already she was feeling more in control of emotions and reactions.
She was learning that she had a number of fears and beliefs that Billy had instilled in her. He’d made her think she was less than him. That she was stupid and inconsequential.
Of course, she knew she wasn’t. Most of the time.
But his emotional abuse had compounded what she’d been taught by her mother.
That she wasn’t good enough for love. That she was disposable.
Edward had invited them around for Christmas Eve drinks tonight. But Slade had told him they were busy.
She knew he’d done it because of her and she felt guilty about that. Once she’d had the baby they were all going to visit Spencer’s family for a second Christmas. His family had planned to come to London to have Christmas with them but one of his sister’s had just been in a bad accident and they didn’t want to leave her. Indie had told Spencer to go visit her, but he’d said he’d wait until after Christmas.
Rock didn’t have any family. And Quaid only had his father who was a completely heartless bastard.
“Indie? Indie!” Spencer yelled.
Uh-oh.
She gave him a guilty look as he came running into the living room and nearly tripped over his own feet.
He always made her smile. Even when he didn’t mean to.
“I’m here.”
“What . . . how . . . who brought you out here? I thought they were all out?” he asked.
“I walked out myself.”
“Indie,” he growled. Then he pointed at her sternly. “That’s going in the book.”
She pouted. “Couldn’t you forget this once?”
“No. Naughty. Very naughty. You know I worry when I can’t find you.”
“Spence, we’ve talked about this. You can’t worry about me all the time. You’ll make yourself sick.”
“Well, then I’ll make myself sick. Because you’re the most important thing in my life. Of course I’m gonna worry about you.”
He was so sweet that it brought tears to her eyes.
“What is it? What’s wrong? Hey, don’t be upset.” He rushed over and crouched in front of her. His hand went to her belly, rubbing gently. “Are you in pain? What’s going on?”
“It’s nothing. I’m just . . . reflecting on how different this Christmas is to the last few I’ve had. And the ones I had as a child before I moved in with Slade.”
He grimaced. “Not great, I’m guessing?”
“No. But I’m guessing yours were like something out of a movie,” she teased. “All magical and wonderful.”
“Sorry?” he said.
“No, don’t apologize. I’m glad one of us had a good childhood.” She cupped the side of his face. “Sorry I made you worry. I just hope that I can give Button the sort of Christmases that you had. The sort of childhood that is magical and wonderful.” She placed her hand over her belly next to his. Button kicked and she giggled at the sensation.