Total pages in book: 180
Estimated words: 182075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 910(@200wpm)___ 728(@250wpm)___ 607(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 182075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 910(@200wpm)___ 728(@250wpm)___ 607(@300wpm)
“I’m a new mum. I’m not meant to sleep a full eight hours,” she protested.
“You’ve got plenty of people to help, though,” Spencer said gently. “So you can sleep.”
“You guys can’t express milk, though,” she said. “Not that I’m doing a very good job with that.”
Her chin was captured in a firm hand and her head was tilted back as Quaid stared down at her sternly. “You are doing all that you can. You had a traumatic birth, it’s usual for your milk supply to be affected by that. You are doing everything you can to help your milk come through.”
“What if it doesn’t happen,” she whispered. She was trying hard. Pumping every three hours only to get a barest amount of milk was playing havoc on her. She felt like a failure.
“Then it doesn’t happen,” Slade said simply. “But it won’t be because you failed. You have been trying everything you can.”
“We know it’s upsetting, Princess,” Spencer said gently. “But it doesn’t mean that you aren’t an amazing mum. Hope is getting everything she needs. What is important to her is that you are all right.”
Shit.
They were right.
“I just wanted it to work. I want her to have everything. I want her to know she’s loved and special and precious.”
“She will. Because she is all of those things,” Slade told her. “Just like her mama is.”
She nodded, feeling a tear slip down her face. Spencer gently took Hope while Slade lifted her and drew her against his chest.
“Let us look after you both,” he said. “It’s what we were put here on earth to do. To make sure that our two girls are happy, that they don’t have to worry about a thing, because we’ll take care of everything.”
“Okay, Daddy,” she whispered.
“My good girl. Our good girl.”
68
Rock stared intently at Slade as he held Hope against his chest.
He could do this. He had to do this.
She was nearly four weeks old and it was starting to physically hurt that he hadn’t held her like that. Breathing in and out deeply, he stood.
“Rock?” Indie asked, glancing up at him worriedly. “Are you all right?” She signed the words as she asked him that. In their free moments together, he was helping her learn sign language. Sometimes she got a bit frustrated because she didn’t know as much the rest of them. But they’d all learned some years ago. And it wasn’t always that easy to concentrate here.
I want to hold the baby.
“You want to hold Hope?” Slade asked, watching his hands intently.
Rock nodded. It was time.
“Of course you can,” Indie said gently. “I’ll get a nurse to help.”
Rock stripped off his shirt while Indie got a nurse who helped transfer Hope over to him. And then Hope was lying on his chest.
She seemed so tiny there. But also so perfectly right. He cradled her to him, holding her protectively. Inside him, something fitted into place.
A sense of rightness.
She was so fucking perfect. With her tiny fingers and toes and her small mouth. Her smooth skin.
“Rock, are you all right?” Indie asked quietly. He held up his free hand and she took hold.
He squeezed her hand and smiled up at her.
“Told you that you wouldn’t hurt her,” Indie said. “You would never hurt her.”
No. He wouldn’t. He would never hurt her mama again, either.
Slade wrapped his arm around Indie’s waist. She leaned back against him, looking tired but magnificent.
A fierce mama bear.
A darling Little.
The best thing to ever happen to him.
Indie wanted to cry.
Twenty minutes of pumping and there was next to nothing in the bottle. A sob escaped and she fought to calm down. Slade was in their private bathroom and the last thing she wanted was to let him know how upset she was.
The guys had been falling over themselves to take care of her and Hope. And they were amazing. But they couldn’t help her with this.
They’d told her plenty of times that she wasn’t a failure. However, she just couldn’t seem to get that word out of her head.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Slade rushed into the room and crouched in front of her.
The first few times she’d had to do this in front of them, she’d been embarrassed. But now she seemed to be beyond that.
“It’s not working,” she said, frustrated. “The milk isn’t coming. I’m never going to be able to breastfeed Hope.”
“What did I tell you the other day? This isn’t about failing or succeeding. You have been through a lot. You have to cut yourself a break.”
She knew all that. But this just felt like something she had to do.
“Poor Boo. You’re exhausted, aren’t you, Little one?” he said.
She really was.
“I think you need some Little time, but it’s not easy in this environment, is it?”
“No. It doesn’t quite feel safe enough.”
“I understand why you feel that way even though my Daddy instincts are screaming at me to take over.” He brushed her hair off her face. “I have been doing some research, though. I want to try something if it’s okay with you?”