Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 119476 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 597(@200wpm)___ 478(@250wpm)___ 398(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 119476 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 597(@200wpm)___ 478(@250wpm)___ 398(@300wpm)
Talk about a perfect freaking day.
DIARY ENTRY, PRESENT DAY
Dear Diary,
I heard the most amazing sound in the world today… my baby’s heartbeat. It was strong and steady and absolutely perfect. Honestly, if I could bottle the sound and keep it close by, I would.
Come to think of it, I might ask Scarlet if I can record it at my next appointment—which is only three weeks away! She said we might even be able to find out the sex of the baby.
Scarlet asked if I want a boy or a girl, like I have any say in the matter. I just want a healthy baby. Someone I can love and hold and care for…someone who will love me.
It sounds weird, but my arms literally ache to hold my baby. Only twenty-seven more weeks to go. It sounds far away, but everything I’ve read online says it will fly by.
I’m also nervous for what my baby’s arrival means. I have no real education, no job, less than a hundred dollars to my name, and only a temporary living situation.
I need to make a plan, because my baby will not suffer or want for anything. I’ll do whatever’s necessary to provide for my child.
Talk to Atlas about finding a job
Get a job
Save money
Find somewhere permanent to live
Ugh! My to-do list is stacking up against me. Not to mention, the cost of actually having the baby and my prenatal appointments. I’m not stupid—I know Atlas paid for my appointment today. He didn’t tell me because he didn’t want me to feel bad, but I’m going to pay him back.
He says it’s not taking advantage when it’s something he’s giving freely, but still, I feel beholden to him, and I don’t like it.
Find a way to pay Atlas back for the phone, doctors’ appointments, and clothes
Oh, God. It kind of feels like I can’t breathe.
Somehow, I managed to free myself from one problem only to be pinned by another.
One step at a time… Dad used to say you can only take one step at a time. I just need to slow down and figure out my steps. I’ve survived worse than this, so I know I’ll be okay.
No—we’ll be okay.
Overwhelmed, Nora
CHAPTER 17
ATLAS
Ican’t explain it, but I’ve been on cloud nine ever since hearing our little jellybean’s heartbeat.
Fuck, man. I don’t know when I started thinking of this baby as ours, because clearly, it’s not my anything. Nora’s not either, and while I’m not going to push her, I damn sure want her to be.
I want both of them to be mine.
It’s wild; if someone would have asked me a few weeks ago if I ever wanted kids, I’d have laughed. But now I’m racking my brain, trying to think of where we can stick a nursery and how I can convince Nora to stay here with me.
Even if nothing more ever happens between us, I want to be in this kid’s life, and while I’ll gladly take on any role she’ll allow me, I want to be a good example for him, to right my dad’s wrongs.
Not that we know it’s a boy—hence jellybean, because calling the baby it didn’t feel right.
I’m so far ahead of myself it’s not even funny. Forget putting the cart before the horse, I’m mashing the gas pedal to the floor, and there’s not even an engine under the hood.
“What are you thinking so hard about over there?” Ellis asks, tossing a handful of chips at me.
“The fuck, man?” I jump back, trying to gather all of the crumbs. “Now the couch is going to be crunchy.”
He rolls his eyes and digs another handful out of the bag. “Back to my question. You look like you’re constipated or something.”
“Just got a lot on my mind.”
“Care to share with the class?”
I glance down the hall toward my room, where Nora’s holed up, most likely writing in her diary. “About Nora and the baby and—”
“Dude, you’re so sunk it’s not even funny.”
My first inclination is to deny it, but what’s the point? There’s something about the redhead down the hall that has me wearing my heart on my sleeve and acting like the sap I swore I’d never be.
“I know.” I scrub my hands over my face before reclining back against the couch cushions. “I just wish I knew what to do about it.”
“What”—Ellis blinks at me, clearly confused—“do you mean?”
“I’m not right for her.” I lean my head against the back of the couch. “I wish like hell I was, but I’m not.”
“I think you’re full of shit.” Ellis chuckles as he leans forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. “But I’ll bite. Why aren’t you right for her?”
“She needs someone…” My words dry up like the fucking Sahara relocated in my throat.
“Someone who’ll love her and her baby, care for her, protect her, put her first, make her happy,” Ellis lists with an eye roll.