Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 92062 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92062 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
“Yes,” he confirms. “You’re lucky I talked her out of doing a flash mob.”
“No.” Elizabeth shakes her head. “You’re lucky,” she growls at him as he walks to her and kisses her head.
“Love you the most,” he says and she pushes him away.
“You’re a lying liar who lies,” she hisses at him. “You better make sure no one objects at this wedding, or I’ll fight all of you.”
“Don’t put that shit in the universe.” He puts his hands on his hips.
“I’m not putting anything in the universe,” she defends herself as I plate the eggs and then walk over to grab the sausage. “If you fucked up by cheating on her and the woman is coming to claim you, how is it my fault?”
“I’m not cheating on her.” He puts his hands on his head. “Can you not even say that as a joke?”
Her eyes go big and I can see her fucking with him. “If there is already doubt, this marriage is doomed from the beginning.” His face goes ashen.
“Elizabeth,” I say her name and she bursts out laughing.
“I’m just fucking with you. I know you would never cheat on her because if you did and I found out, I would tell Mom, and then she would have Dad kick your ass. Then Jack would kick your ass.” She tilts her head to the side. “Then I would definitely shank you.”
“Noted.” He gives me a chin up and walks out of the house. She pushes away from the counter and gets off, running down the hall after him.
“Where are you going?” I look down the hall to see her coming back into the kitchen.
“I locked the door”—she gets back on her stool—“so no one else comes in here.” I laugh at her. “Imagine if you were doing me on the counter and Joshua just walked in.”
“That would be pretty hard to explain.” I chuckle and sit next to her. “Definitely can’t be like, ‘it’s not what it looks like.’” I chuckle with her. “Do you really want to hit up the Christmas market?” I cut a piece of sausage.
She nods her head. “I do, and now I have an extra gift to buy.” She looks at me and I laugh.
“I know a couple things you could give me off the top of my head.”
“I’ve already done most of those things,” she jokes, “unless we get a whole box of toys and really have a party.”
“I wonder if there are any Christmas sex toys?” I ask her and her eyes go big as she takes out her phone. “What are you doing?”
“I’m looking up sex toys for Christmas.” She looks over at me. “Once I was in Paris and there was a vibrator shaped like the Eiffel Tower.” I open my mouth in shock. “It came in different colors also.” She types something is her phone. “Okay, here are a couple of things.” She takes a bite of her breakfast. “You ready?”
“I’m not sure anyone is ready for this,” I admit to her, “but here we are.”
“Okay, stocking stuffers, anal plugs.”
I look over at her. “I could do that.”
“Could you?” she asks me.
“I mean, it’d be hot knowing you were sitting in front of me with a plug.”
She laughs. “I was thinking the same. Sitting down to have Christmas dinner and seeing you wince.” I laugh.
“Okay, so that’s out.” I shovel more food in my mouth. “What’s next?”
“Santa’s sex position coupons,” she reads and I nod my head in agreement. “Twelve sex games of Christmas.”
“We are like one day out, so we’ll have to do triple every day.”
“That goes on the maybe list, then.” She takes another bite. “Under-the-mistletoe-sex dice.”
I laugh at her. “I don’t even know what that means.”
“Well, it says Keep Christmas Slutty.” She laughs. “It’s a roll of the dice that says suck dick, fuck like dogs, grind genitals, or fuck like rabbits.”
“We already do all of that.”
“True that. Ohhh I should get this for the bridesmaids.” She turns the phone so I can see. “Reindeer or Santa nipple pasties.”
I snort and move my finger up, swiping the screen. “That’s it,” I say, “a candy cane vibrator.” She turns to look at it. “Add to cart.” I shake my head. “I’ll surprise you.”
“Please do. I wonder if they sell boxers that have the mistletoe right on the dick area.”
“Ohh”—she points at me—“I’m going to get that for my dad and Jack, just to make them feel really uncomfortable.”
“Your mother would die.” I can’t help but laugh. “Or she might thank you.”
“Eeew,” she says, “I’m done eating. I don’t want to think my parents still do that.”
“They’ve been together for a long time, I’m going to say they have a healthy sex life.”
“Nate,” she hisses my name, “I’m going to need you to shut the fuck up right now.”