Total pages in book: 48
Estimated words: 46398 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 232(@200wpm)___ 186(@250wpm)___ 155(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 46398 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 232(@200wpm)___ 186(@250wpm)___ 155(@300wpm)
“Oh, shit, right.” He claps my shoulder. “Sorry, man. It was for therapy, right? The fuck was that called again?.”
“Yeah. An anagram. I know it probably doesn’t seem—”
“Nah. My fault. I won’t screw it up again.”
“It’s fine, it’s fine.” I’m relieved, though. I tried to be Aden for a little while. I wanted to leave all this shit in the past. And then Haley got an idea. It was Haley's plan.
I thought people might give me shit when I started going by another name, but they didn’t. They know what I went through. Honestly, they know too much.
Nathan gives me a once-over. He doesn’t look concerned, exactly, but he does look...interested. Like he cares about how I’m doing. It’s not because he knows what I’ve been doing. The plan Haley had. I have to tell myself that over and over again. People aren’t looking at me because they’re suspicious, or because they want to get me in trouble for looking back.
Or because they know I have that thing with my head. They don’t know that part. Haley said to keep it a secret.
They’re just looking.
That’s what people do when they haven’t had rule number one punched into them so many times it’ll never leave.
“Honestly, man, I’m happy for you. The name thing seems like a decent way to—” Nathan waves his hand. “You know. Dean, Dean, Dean. I got you man.”
I let out a laugh, like it doesn’t do things to me, to hear that name.
“It helps compartmentalize, you know? Keeps things separate.” He changes the subject and rattles on about being back in town and needing a job. I let it all go. I leave all the thoughts that creep up to sit there and wait. Wait for Haley. She’ll fix this feeling inside of me.
She always does. I’m glad she found me. I didn’t know how to find her, but she was able to find me.
HALEY
The door creaks, and all my attention focuses on the sound. My body goes so still I can feel my heart beating and hear my pulse. It’s after hours at my office, so there are only a few people who could be walking in.
“Who’s there?” I call, my voice steady.
“It’s me.”
The sound of his voice comforts me. I like knowing that the footsteps approaching belong to him. I like knowing that he came here for me, and nobody stopped him. Nobody can.
I unfold myself from my chair and get to my feet as he comes into view, the lamplight soft on his features. He knows he’s not supposed to be here. We’re not supposed to be seen together really, but I guess since the cops came and saw us it doesn’t matter. We couldn’t stay hidden forever.
“Aden?” I question. Unsure of which personality I’m talking to. Aden or Dean. His dissociative identity disorder was far too easy to diagnose when I found him. It’s fucking shocking the state didn’t diagnose him.
His mouth curves in a crooked smile. “Which do you want?”
“Aden,” I murmur his name and kiss him, needing to stand on my tiptoes. His hands wrap around mine. The gentle side of him. The side who doesn’t know all of what Dean went through. The side that doesn’t remember.
I smile back at him, although my heart pounds. “Is it done?”
The smile dims a little as I wait for his response, but it doesn’t fade completely. “Is what done?” he asks. Aden doesn’t always know. He doesn’t want to and he doesn’t need to. I love them both. I need them both. Even if all of me is irreparably broken and half of him is.
“The list I gave you. The one for him. For Dean?”
“All the names are gone. Or did he add more?”
I hesitate. I always choose my words carefully with all the patients I work with, but I’m the most careful with him. He means too much to me.
I shake my head no. “If they’re all crossed off, there’s no reason to worry.”
“Are you worried, baby?” he asks me with a sad smile.
“The news makes me worry,” I admit to him and he kisses me softly before whispering at my lips, “There’s no reason to worry. He’s been careful. I know he has.”
His eyes go soft. Part of that might be because of the light, but I know it’s also because of how he feels.
He takes a breath. “You stay with me, don’t you? When I’m him.” Aden doesn’t understand everything. But he knows how much I love Dean. I don’t compare the two of them. I love them both more than anything. I need them both too.
“Always,” I promise, looking him in the eye. The eyes really are the windows to the soul. That doesn’t mean it’s always easy to accept what you see when you look. I’ve seen lots of broken souls, hurting from years of abuse and losing hope that they’ll ever feel normal again. “I always stay with you, both sides of you. You know I love all of you.”