Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 66863 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 334(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66863 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 334(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
He’d become a friend and I liked spending time with him. I felt better than I had in quite a while, if ever, and I realized, maybe this was just what I’d needed. To let myself have a friend. To get out of the house for more than just work, even if it was only next door.
For the first time, it felt as though I had some kind of life outside of my career.
I’d been in Chicago for two years and spending time with Kieran was the most I’d spent time with anyone.
It was fairly obvious he wasn’t interested in anything other than a friendship. I figured he would have made a move by now if he was, but I felt confident that Phil was still interested.
I was attracted to him. Not as much as I was attracted to Kieran but Phil was a good-looking man. I could have a good time with him as well—the kind of good time I didn’t often allow myself to have. Maybe I could date a man for the first time in my life. Hell, I’d never even kissed a guy in public.
Every time I considered accepting Phil’s invitations to go out, I got stressed though. I worried about work. I worried if he would want a relationship and did I want a relationship or just to have sex? Could we fuck each other and not let it become weird at work?
All the different variables weighed me down and made my head hurt each and every time he asked me.
My reactions were ridiculous. I knew they were and, sometimes, I hated myself for them. A well-functioning adult shouldn’t be as conflicted about everything as I was. I didn’t know how to change it though.
It was a Wednesday a few weeks after Kieran and I started spending time together that I felt myself beginning to unravel.
Phil had won his case—the one I’d helped him with. It was a big deal at the firm and everyone wanted to celebrate.
They’d opened a bottle of champagne. Phil stuck to me like glue and made sure to tell each and every person how I’d helped him find the break he needed for the win.
There were congratulations left and right for Phil and myself, which turned to talk about how well I was doing and how glad they were to have me on board.
“You’re going places, Jared, and we couldn’t be happier to have you on our team,” I heard more than once.
Which felt good. Really fucking good. Who didn’t like to hear things like that? But it was stressful as hell too because it was a lot of pressure and I felt the frantic edge of worry start to creep up. What if I messed up? What if they wanted more from me? Each congratulations, each good job, felt like another weight was added to my chest.
What if, what if, what if.
It was six when I noticed the time. Fuck. I had to be at Kieran’s in an hour and I’d agreed to stop by the store and pick up salad, salmon and a few other things for dinner.
“I really should get going,” I told Phil.
“Really? I wish you’d stay.” I perked up. That might be a better option…doing as Phil suggested since I thought he was interested in something different than Kieran. I deserved to date someone. “But I understand if you need to leave,” he continued and it felt as though my body began to deflate. Not because I wanted to spend time with Phil so badly. Honestly, I’d rather be with Kieran so I didn’t understand my initial reaction.
Strangely, I thought I might have wanted him to fight for me to stay. To tell me to stay.
“Thanks man,” I replied. “I appreciate it. Congrats again on the case.”
I said my goodbyes and then made my way to the store. My hands were slightly jittery from both the excitement and pressure I’d felt at work. As I pulled out Kieran’s list and began crossing out items on it, and putting them in my cart, my body began to relax. I felt…productive, getting these things Kieran needed. The things Kieran and I would need tonight for our dinner together.
It was nearly seven when I made it back to the condo. Instead of going home first to change the way I usually did, I went straight to Kieran’s.
He opened the door and a small frown creased his lips. “I know it’s early but—”
“You had a bad day,” he cut me off.
Holy shit. How had he known that? Not that it was a bad day…just stressful. Confusing. “Is it that obvious?”
“No,” he replied before letting me in. “But I wouldn’t be very good at this if I hadn’t learned to read you by now.”
Good at being my friend? Sometimes he said the oddest things.