Total pages in book: 133
Estimated words: 128156 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 641(@200wpm)___ 513(@250wpm)___ 427(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 128156 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 641(@200wpm)___ 513(@250wpm)___ 427(@300wpm)
Finally, I glance at Chase.
He swallows, nodding his head. Focusing on the ground, he kicks his shoe against the turf a couple times before he peeks up from under his lashes. “Would you think I was lying if I said I was thinking about my dad, too?”
“No.”
His lips twitch and he sighs, dropping his head back so he’s staring at the sky. “He’s having a hard time, and while I’m not exactly the cause of his stress, I’m the center of his focus.”
“And that makes you feel guilty.”
“Yep.” He nods, frowning at the sun.
“So how is it that something simple that we enjoy led us to thoughts that were so negative?”
“Reality.”
I nod. “Maybe, but what if we focused on that moment of gratefulness instead of letting our minds run. Like if I tasted the tea instead of drinking it, I would be thinking about the different herbs or the citrus. For you, you might pay attention to the tension in your muscles or the rate of your heart—the good that’s coming out of that moment instead of just existing in it, so that’s what we’re going to do right now. Focus on the moment.”
I grab his arms and lower them down at his sides, looking up at him. “Stay just like this.” I move behind him, pressing my backside up against his.
“What…” he chuckles, shifting but I reach back, clutching his forearms.
“Hey, I’m the teacher here. You have to listen.”
His shoulders shake with his laughter, but he plants himself into position.
“Okay, now stretch your spine so you’re standing tall, and close your eyes as you take a deep breath.” His back inflates against mine and I smile to myself. “Good. Now just breathe and focus on right now.”
I let his arms go, glancing down to make sure they’re still hanging there. We stand in silence a few seconds, just taking even, deep breaths in unison.
The first thing I note is his back is solid against mine, broad enough that I feel even smaller, almost swallowed up by the space he takes up. I shift slightly, trying to balance, but he doesn’t budge. Like a wall, he’s unshakable, steady, completely unaffected.
“What do you notice?” I ask.
“Notice?”
“Yeah. What comes to mind or what do you feel? What are you paying attention to?”
There’s a beat of silence before his voice rumbles behind me, low and thoughtful. “You’re warm.” He pauses. “Small.”
“Now that’s a revelation,” I tease.
He exhales a short laugh, the movement pressing his back a little more firmly into mine. “I mean, trust me, I’ve noticed, but now you’re right here and I…can’t help but focus on how small you are compared to me.” The way he says it, I get the feeling he likes the thought of being bigger than me, stronger, but not in a cocky way. More protective or maybe satisfied. “I have to drop my shoulders lower just to try and match you. Feels weird.”
A small frown begins to form between my brows, overshadowing the warmth that settled in my stomach. “Weird how?”
“I don’t know just…I’m more aware of it, I guess. Almost like, like…”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re fragile. It makes me feel like I should…” He hesitates a moment before continuing. “Like I should turn around and put my arms around you instead of—” He cuts himself off. “I don’t know, am I doing this right?”
I chew on the corner of my lip, fighting back a smile. “Yeah, you’re doing this right.”
I shift, more from nerves than anything, but this time he shifts too, and our skin brushes against each other. The contact is barely there, just the edge of his knuckle grazing my arm, but it lingers. The kind of touch that shouldn’t mean anything.
So why does it feel like it does?
I don’t realize I’ve moved my head until it’s already pointed over my shoulder, my blue eyes locking with his green ones. It seems we both glanced back at the same exact time.
We’re close, so close I catch the flicker of something unreadable in his expression, close enough that, for a second, I wonder if he feels this too.
I don’t dare ask the specific question in my mind but give him the option to answer however he feels driven to.
“How do you feel?” The words come out lower than intended.
His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, the tiniest hint of a frown appearing between his brows. “Focused. Focused on right now.”
“Good.” I chew on the inside of my lip, fighting the flush that is spreading up my chest. “Try and hold on to that later. I mean, not this moment, but whatever one you’re in. If you’re in class, see the scene play out in your mind instead of reading it. Walking to your dorm, smell the grass as you count your steps. Things like that if you need to pull your head out of the mud.”