Total pages in book: 33
Estimated words: 30019 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 150(@200wpm)___ 120(@250wpm)___ 100(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 30019 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 150(@200wpm)___ 120(@250wpm)___ 100(@300wpm)
"Fuck," I groan, closing my eyes. "I picked up the phone fifteen different times to call you, but it sounded so stupid in my head."
"Why?" She blinks at me. "I was so proud of you when you finally told me. I was just hurt because I didn't understand why you kept it from me." Her bottom lip quivers. "I thought we told each other everything, but you've been keeping all these secrets from me. Maybe I think it's because Victoria is right, and you don't really see me as a friend."
"Jesus," I rasp, my voice shaking. I'm such an asshole. In a thousand different ways, I've hurt her without even meaning to or trying to do it. If she's done with me now, I won't blame her. I'll never forgive myself for it or get over her, but I won't blame her.
"You've always been the most important person in my life, Troian. It kills me that you don't know that. I didn't tell you that I was offered the part until it was a done deal because I was embarrassed to admit that I was willing to turn myself into a goddamn movie star just to feel like I could measure up to you," I admit.
She blinks again, her expression shocked. "You think you don't measure up?"
"To you, Troian," I say gently. "I don't measure up to you."
She stares at me like she doesn't understand. And I'm sure she probably doesn't. She's never seen herself clearly, not the way I do. She's had our classmates filling her head with bullshit for the last four years, and somewhere along the way, she started to believe them. But they've always been wrong about her. They've been wrong about me, too. Out of the two of us, I'm the one who doesn't deserve her time and attention. I never have.
"Your parents are millionaires," I explain, my voice soft. "And no matter how hard I work, it'll be years before I'm ever able to give you even a tenth of what they do. I want to be good enough for you, and I never have been."
She stares at me, her lips slightly parted. "You really think that?"
"I mean…yeah. Have you looked at yourself lately?" I quirk a brow at her. "You're gorgeous. You're funny. You're so fucking smart that no one else can even keep up with you. Our classmates are fucking stupid. They look at us and think that I'm the one worth something because I play football and have a movie deal, but that's because they can't see past high school bullshit. The ones who do, though? The ones who realize there is more to life than our campus and the drama that goes with it? They see you clearly. They know you're the real star."
I brush my thumb across her cheek. "You've always been the star, butterfly. And I've always just been the guy grateful to stand in your shadow. I've always been the one hoping you'd notice me standing there and give me your heart."
"Gage." Her expression does this thing where it wobbles between hope and devastation. "You've never been in my shadow."
"I have." I smile at her, running my thumb over her soft bottom lip. "It's okay, though, baby. I'd rather be in your shadow than anywhere else in the world. With you is my happy place. It's where I'd choose to be every goddamn minute of the day."
"I was going to ask you to Prom yesterday," she blurts and then squeezes her eyes closed, almost like she regrets saying it or is afraid of what I'll say in response.
And I, desperately, want to tell her everything right here and now. But…she deserves the big declaration. She deserves for everyone to know, once and for all, that she's my choice and always will be. I'll get on my knees in front of everyone for her. I'll beg in front of everyone for her. That's not a hardship. Losing her is a hardship. It's a goddamn tragedy that I don't think I'll ever recover from.
It doesn't matter if we're young. It doesn't matter if we have the whole future ahead of us. She is my future, the one thing I've always been absolutely sure of.
When I close my eyes and think about what my life looks like in ten years, in twenty years, in fifty, she's always at the center of it. It's always her face I see. I know that isn't going to change.
"I'm sorry I ruined it." I tip her face up, forcing her to look at me. "I'm not going with anyone else."
"But you said…"
"I know. I know I owe you answers and an explanation, and so much more. And I know I have no place to ask you for anything right now, but I'm going to ask anyway, baby. Can you give me until Friday before you decide to go with Corey?"