Total pages in book: 113
Estimated words: 106298 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 531(@200wpm)___ 425(@250wpm)___ 354(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106298 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 531(@200wpm)___ 425(@250wpm)___ 354(@300wpm)
Opening the door, the sun has dipped below the tree line on the far side of the parking lot. I stand in the shadows of the tall cypress and oaks, and say, “I’ll always be here for you, Shortcake.”
I shut the door behind me, a barrier now between us until she removes it. Our lives and love are now in her hands. I can only pray that we find our way back together again.
CHAPTER 33
Lauralee
I sweep up the pieces of my shattered heart and toss them back into my chest, hoping somehow, someday, I can glue them back together. Until then, I sit on the couch, not sure what to do or think. I don’t know how to feel anything other than numb or pain. Both are excruciating right now.
The manila envelope whispers my name, calling me to open it. But I know better than to fall for this trick. Whatever is in there will only blur the lines, and I’m already confused enough. As much as Baylor wants me to forgive him, I can’t. Not yet. Not without sorting through the information of what I know and what I feel.
Maybe it’s selfish, but I don’t want to consider his side of the story before figuring out what’s best for me. I was denied that right with my dad. I can’t allow the cycle to repeat.
As the last of the day disappears, the room darkens around me. Music can’t help, and the TV will only distract me. I need to lie in my feels. I tuck my hands under my cheek, but the ring scrapes across the skin. Holding up my hand, I realize even night can’t break the shine it brings. I’m mad that I love these rings as much as I do.
I don’t know how much they cost, the carat size, or how to insure them. I just know how they make me feel. Loved because he chose them for me. “What am I going to do?” Divorce him? Make him wait forever? Give him one more chance to make this right and promise he’ll never hide anything from me again? Can he? Or is he lying to himself as well?
I want to believe him so badly that my heart aches that he might be suffering. Even when rationale tells me he should. I don’t need revenge. I need him to trust me enough to share everything. That’s what partners do, but he keeps me in the dark until outside light shines in, exposing another lie . . . an omission. Whatever we want to call it. They hurt the same.
Despite what happened earlier, I haven’t closed the door on him yet. I can still feel him in the air around me like he’s near. I don’t dare check to see if the car is here, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it were.
My eyes grow heavy from the exhaustion of fighting a losing battle. I give in, hoping tomorrow brings me the answers I need to map a new course, whether that be with him or traveling solo.
The sound of rain against the window drags me from sleep. I’m slow to open my eyes. I don’t know the time, but my body doesn’t feel like morning is on the horizon. God, I hope not. I’ll be dragging all day if it is.
Lying here, I roll onto my back. Do I fight for more sleep or accept my fate that I’m wide awake? I wonder if Baylor’s having more luck. I roll my eyes. He’s probably sleeping like a baby without a care in the world. Irritation clusters in my chest, although my gut doesn’t believe a word I say.
Deep down, I know he would never hurt me. I can’t remain the consequence of the poor decisions he’s making. I need to be a consideration from the start. Can he do that? Is it even possible? He’s been a bachelor for so long that he’s never had to consider anyone else or their feelings. I know he’s trying. For me, he is. So am I expecting too much change too fast?
I put my feet down on the floor to sit up. Rubbing the corners of my eyes and wiping the sleep away, I start to wonder what part of my life I’ve given up for him.
He’s never once asked me to give up anything and stepped in without asking when he thought I needed help. He visits more often because he knows I can’t leave the shop unattended, making it harder on his schedule. He doesn’t ask me to sacrifice anything for us to be together, carrying it all on his shoulders to make us work.
Dammit. Now I feel bad.
What if he was being honest? What if he didn’t know about the rent increase? Or . . . I pause, not sure I’m ready to accept this truth. I say it anyway. “What if he married me for love?” What if he married me without strings attached? Would he have truly stood in the courthouse to exchange I dos with no other intentions but to love me forever?