Total pages in book: 162
Estimated words: 153946 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 770(@200wpm)___ 616(@250wpm)___ 513(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 153946 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 770(@200wpm)___ 616(@250wpm)___ 513(@300wpm)
She lived and we cleaned to Camelot, danced under the stars, searched for rainbows, meditated on sunsets and went places we never would have gone on our own.
I don’t know how to do any of this without her—but if she were here, she would tell me I’d be fine. That I had good people around me, that things would get better and she’d be right by my side in spirit when they did. That she loved me no matter what. A bushel and a peck. Like a rock. Forever and back. Unconditionally.
That’s the most important thing I think she’d want us to remember today. That until her very last breath, she never missed a chance to let us know she believed in us and loved us. And she never wasted a single second of her life.
I wish we could all say yes to living our lives like that. Like there might be no tomorrow. Because sometimes? There just isn’t.
“I’m an idiot.”
Having a sudden epiphany about your life and your future while trying not to run into a car crawling with plastic baby zombies was an interesting experience. Why hadn’t I seen it before?
“Say yes, Gus.”
“What are we doing?”
“Finally being honest about why I’ve kept my distance.”
“I’ve known what I wanted for a while.”
“You dazzle me every day.”
“I think being loved like that has to be worth whatever pain comes after. Even if it ends up knocking you on your ass.”
Holy bananas.
“A stupid, blind idiot.”
“Pit Master to 71. What’s that, Little Sister? Are you having a visibility problem the cameras aren’t picking up?” Lucy’s worried voice was clear in my helmet despite the loud roar of the engines around me. Despite my heartbeat.
“I was watching my life flash in front of my eyes.” And waking up to the fact that I was saying yes unequivocally to everything but what I wanted most of all. That, I was still holding at a distance, despite my recent attempts at proving I was “invested.”
After a moment of static, he responded, “Well, you’re doing great. Lap nine now. Try to keep those eyes on the track so our grumpy mechanic and your sister don’t join forces to murder us for letting you do this, okay?”
“Pit Ma—Lucy, where is Wade right now?”
“He’s back on the platform. We’ve all got eyes and ears focused on you. He’s probably listening to this conversation right now and waiting for a chance to chime in.”
He was right, because as soon as he stopped talking, I heard Wade’s voice in my helmet.
“August, baby, what’s wrong? Do you need to come in?”
The signs had been there for so long.
Like the fact that hearing his drawl instantly calmed my nerves and steadied my heart. That knowing he was worried about me made me feel stronger somehow. Because I knew I wasn’t alone.
I inhaled sharply, slowing down as I rounded the sharper bend I was coming to hate.
“One more, I think. I’ve decided the only way not to shame myself after making such a big deal about this is to hit ten laps. It sounds like a good round number to me.”
I’d heard the average driver could make twenty-five to thirty laps an hour, but I didn’t need to hit the average. I’d already proven I could participate in this race. I’d already taken the risk.
And this was more important.
“Then you’ll hit ten and be done with it,” he said steadily.
I took another breath and decided to take a chance. “I don’t want to wait until after.”
“You want to come in now?”
“No,” I grunted as my body pulled against the restraints around yet another turn. “I want to have our conversation now.”
“Gus, you need to focus on driving. And in case you’ve forgotten, we’re on the radio. Everyone can hear us.”
“I’m racing around with crazy Lego people and Mary Kay ladies, Wade. I’m not worried about being circumspect. Do you have that water bottle handy? Because I’ve got a few questions before I let you have your say.”
“Already holding it.”
“Pit Master to Little Sister, confirmed with binoculars. He is holding up a water bottle for some reason. I’m not sure what this is about, but I wish you’d both use the proper lingo. Also, please be advised that the pink Caddy is about to pass you.”
“I thought winning wasn’t important,” I laughed shakily.
“Not being last is our only rule.”
I picked up my speed, my heart racing faster than Jiminy. “Little Sister to Motor Daddy.”
“I’m here, but I’m not calling you that.”
“You’re in love with me.”
There was a pause and then, “Was that a question?”
“Yes. No. I mean, I hope not. Hang on.” I glared at the old ladies and revved past them once we were going straight again.
“There. The thing is, I’m pretty sure I love you too. Scratch that. Entirely sure. It started with revisiting a crush, but now it’s a permanent condition. If you love me back, then I don’t want to live with you and be with you until or unless either one of us decides to find a house or move away. I want to do this for real. With you. For keeps and without any escape hatches. I love you, Wade Hudson. So, yeah. Um. Over.”