Total pages in book: 13
Estimated words: 11683 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 58(@200wpm)___ 47(@250wpm)___ 39(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 11683 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 58(@200wpm)___ 47(@250wpm)___ 39(@300wpm)
This is why I love my brothers so much.
Dad took so much from me, but they give all they can back. Their concern for my emotional well-being has been what's navigated me through the stormiest times in my life. I don't know if all brothers are this way or if it's just a Love trips thing. Whatever it is, I'm thankful to have them in my life.
"So happy," I admit. "The happiest I've ever been." It's the truth. "This is all I ever wanted."
A safe, warm home.
Love and shelter and food.
And laughter.
We're finally finding our way out of hell.
I'm not going to fuck it all up by entertaining my strange urges—desires that were most likely born of the sick shit Dad did. I know he mentally fucked me over by the terrible things he did to me for years.
Instead of thinking about the horrors of my past, I drink in my present. Andy's laugh. Dex's comforting presence. Our bed.
We have a bed.
Holy shit.
Once we've finished our ice cream and cleaned up, we all crawl back into bed like it's the coolest thing we've ever done. This time, Dex ends up in the middle. I selfishly curl up against him, needing his strength burning into me like a furnace. Absently, I touch his abs. His breath hitches. I pause, wondering if I should move my hand, but he doesn't say anything. Sometimes I wonder if this is how we were in the womb—three pairs of legs all tangled together, clinging to each other like we needed each other to survive.
"When we're rich, I'm getting a gym membership," Andy complains.
Dex snorts out a laugh. Our "when we're rich" game can go on for hours.
"When we're rich, I'm buying us an electric blanket," I offer. "And a TV for our bedroom."
"When we're rich, I'm going to buy a cool-ass truck so we can take road trips," Dex says. "We can bring the air mattresses for the back and stare up at the stars."
"Seriously," Andy murmurs, his fingers joining mine as I explore each groove of Dex's abs, "how the fuck do you get abs like this?"
Dex shrugs. "A lot of sit-ups."
"I was hoping genetics was good enough," Andy throws back.
"You have abs," I remind him. "They're just different."
"Let's see," Dex teases. "Want to compare?"
Andy, not to back down from a challenge, whips off his T-shirt. His body is cut in a naturally masculine kind of way. He flexes his stomach muscles as he lies beside Dex, his eyes darting back and forth as he inspects each with a critical assessment. A tendril of jealousy twists inside me. I'm the skinny one.
"Nate?" Andy says.
"He doesn't have to," Dex rushes out.
I don't like feeling as though they have to treat me with kids gloves. With awkward, shaky movements, I take off my shirt and toss it on the floor.
"We're triplets," Dex says, "so we pretty much are a slightly different variation of the same good-looking guy."
Dex's hand flitters over my naked stomach and I tighten in anticipation.
Of what, dumbass?
My mind goes there again, threatening to make dinner come back up.
"I don't feel so good," I rumble. "I'm going to sleep."
After slipping my jeans off, I yank the covers up and close my eyes. Andy sighs like he wants to say something to me but bites his tongue. He locks up the trailer and shuts off all the lights. In the darkness, I can relax. No one can see the look of unmasked want on my face.
Sometimes, I want Dex and Andy.
In really fucked up ways.
The bed quivers and squeaks as we all move to get settled. I end up with my leg thrown back over Dex's and my face against his neck, breathing him in. My fingers skitter across his chest to touch Andy. When my touch brushes over his nipple, he hisses and covers my hand with his. I wait for him to release it, but he doesn't.
Dex's hand strokes over the back of my head, fingers raking through my hair. He presses a kiss to my head and murmurs that he loves me. My heart cracks open as realization floods in.
I can't ever lose this.
This connection we have.
One day, though, I'll be forced to watch them leave me one after the other. They'll find boyfriends and I'll be all alone. The black fog of depression clouds around me, chilling my flesh and turning my heart hard as ice. Tears of despair burn at my eyes and I fight the emotion clogging my throat.
"What's wrong?" Dex asks, his voice pained as though he can feel the clawing inside my chest.
"I don't want to lose this," I whisper.
"No one's going anywhere," Andy says in a fierce tone. "We just got a damn bed."
I can't help but chuckle. "But one day—"
"No," Dex growls. "It'll always be us."