Total pages in book: 44
Estimated words: 40554 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 203(@200wpm)___ 162(@250wpm)___ 135(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 40554 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 203(@200wpm)___ 162(@250wpm)___ 135(@300wpm)
How was I planning on this being my life? That I'd have a workaholic husband that I love, but I would fill my days with charities with the same kind of women my mother favors. I'll never be sure if a person is friends with me because they want to be or they're using me because of who my husband is.
I would be doing that and tending to our children. I'm not opposed to the whole nanny thing. However, I'd want a nanny for date night or extra hands at times. I want a present father.
"Breathe," I tell myself. I'm letting my thoughts get the best of me. I could be having them all for nothing, and all of this is a con on me. I tell myself to talk to him, but if it is a ruse, all he'd do is lie to me.
My hand goes to my stomach once again. If I'm pregnant, I'll be stuck. Then what? The bathroom stall suddenly feels too small, and I need air. I push open the door and freeze when I see my mother standing there.
"What are you wearing?" she asks before I can fully process her being here.
"Mother." I force a smile.
"You don't answer my questions now?" Her chin rises. She's got a very icy demeanor. My mother can be hit or miss. There were rare glimpses when she actually showed she could be a mom. Although those grew less and less as I got older. I adjusted and learned not to expect that from her.
"I'm an adult. I can wear what I like."
"I mean, you can." Her eyes flick up and down me in the same judging way they always have. "But I wouldn't suggest it."
"What do you want?" Now it's me that turns on an icy demeanor, or I try. Mother rolls her eyes at me.
"I'm here for you. Doing what no one ever did for me." It has to be something that can't be paid for.
"And what's that?" I bite out when she doesn't keep going.
"I wish I'd been saved from your father." Now, that is nowhere close to what I thought she might say.
“So you’re here to save me from Blake, is what you're saying?”
She must hear the sarcasm in my tone because I catch the fleeting look of anger on her face. She tries to hide it, and the Botox helps, but I still catch it.
“I’m your mother. Of course I want to save you.” She tries her best to sound sincere, but I know she might have an ulterior motive.
“Why is it you think I need to be saved?” She glances down and then away. For a second, I swear guilt shows.
“I was okay with all of this initially when you were away, but now you’re back in the city and with him.” I hate the disdain she has when speaking of Blake. I have never seen or heard it before. Last I recall is her gushing over him, but if my mother is great at anything, it's a performance. Was she performing then, or is she now?
"And why do we suddenly hate Blake?"
"It's not only Blake," she sneers. "It's all of them, honestly." Mother waves her hand toward the door. “They use us.”
"Mom," I sigh.
"I know, I haven't been any better. It's hard when you grow up this way. Things can get the best of me."
"That doesn't explain ignoring me for the past few years," I point out.
"We came to see you a few times and—" The look I give her has her cutting herself off. "You're right." I must have heard her wrong because there’s no way she admitted that out loud. That's new. I have never heard her say that before. "But you know your father. He always wants me with him."
That is true. They can fight like crazy, but my father wants to keep her tucked close to him. It could be love or that he sees her as property.
“You could have texted or emailed.” There are other ways to stay in contact. Mother starts to speak again, but I hold up my hand to stop her because I’m not done speaking. I can tell the gesture surprises her.
I’m done being pushed and ordered around, unless I want to be. Then it’s my choice. I do enjoy how bossy Blake can get at home, but I’m not letting my mind go to those dirty thoughts right now.
My mother is in front of me, and I know she has information that I want. I’m not sure how reliable it will be, but I want it, nonetheless.
“You and Dad made sure I was isolated from everyone."
“Protected,” she hisses back at me. “You were safe and sound there. Getting one of the best educations in the world.”
“That’s not the point!” I throw my hands up. “You all made those decisions without me.”