Total pages in book: 113
Estimated words: 106772 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106772 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
“Coach, you gonna eat?”
Once again, Cutter’s voice brought me back to reality and the family before me. They all looked happy despite everything that was going on.
Chapter 14
Antonia
All night, I had my phone in my hand, snapping pictures and taking videos of Miri with the kids, with me, with my mom, and of her smiling. I even captured moments between Cutter and Eleni, and Cutter with Weston. I wanted to remember this night. The laughter, the smiles, the overall feeling of love flowed from everyone, even Weston and Eleni. It was such a warm evening, everyone gathered around the small table.
At the end of the night, I drove Eleni home. She and Cutter sat in the back seat, two lovestruck teenagers with their futures brightly in front of them. Every so often, I glanced in the rearview mirror at Cutter, who was being strong and determined to mask his emotions with his girlfriend.
I didn’t blame him for not telling her, but then again, I questioned why he hadn’t. Surely, she’d be someone he could lean on for support. He was going to need it.
Hell, I was going to need it.
I didn’t have the first clue how to handle grief. I’d lost my grandparents, and while their passing had saddened me, my heart didn’t feel anything like it did now. It was so hard to breathe, and I felt like there were a thousand pinpricks jabbing into me. It didn’t matter how many times I rubbed my chest, or closed my eyes to inhale and exhale, the pain was there because my heart was breaking.
It was breaking for me, knowing that I would wake up one day and Miri would be gone. I wouldn’t be able to call her, hug her, or bask in her presence. I wouldn’t be able to tell her I was getting married or have her stand next to me when I said “I do.” She wouldn’t be there for the little things, the everyday things that I had learned to count on throughout my life.
It was breaking for Cutter, knowing he wouldn’t come home to his mom after school or find her in the stands, cheering him on. He wouldn’t get to tell her he had met the love of his life or have her hold him after his first breakup.
It was breaking for Nova, knowing she was going to grow up without her mom. She was never going to look out and see her mom in the audience at her dance recital. She was never going to be able to tell her mom she was going to be a mom herself.
It was breaking for Miri, knowing she wouldn’t watch her babies grow up to do amazing things. She would never see her son graduate and follow his dream of playing professional baseball. She would never see her baby girl go to prom or walk down the aisle. Those were the simple things she had wished for her children.
A tear fell, and I glanced at Cutter. Eleni sat in the middle of the back seat, with her head resting on his chest and his arm around her. He caught me looking at him and didn’t smile. Even she wasn’t enough to keep his thoughts far away from the nightmare.
I signaled and turned down her road, driving slowly to give them a few more seconds of this bliss. When I pulled into her driveway, I put the car into park and pressed the button to unlock the doors.
Cutter exited and held his hand out for his girlfriend. I loved how much of a gentleman he was with her. I knew not to stare but couldn’t help it. He walked her to the front door. She rose on her tippy-toes, kissed him, and ducked inside.
I looked down at my hands when he walked toward the car. The passenger side opened, and he got in, sinking into the seat with a heavy sigh.
“She’s very nice,” I told him as I reversed out of the driveway. “I’m glad I got to meet her.”
“I like her a lot.”
“That’s good.” We got to the corner and stopped. The silence between us filled the car. I glanced at Cutter, who looked out the window.
“I don’t want my mom to die,” he said so quietly I barely registered his words.
“She’s going to fight and hang on as long as she can. The last thing she wants is to leave you and Nova.”
“Why didn’t she go to the doctors earlier?”
I’m asking the same question.
“I don’t know, Cutter. I imagine if she didn’t feel well, she pushed it aside because there were other things going on. It’s part of being a mom, I guess. You take care of kids, jobs, house, before you take care of yourself. It’s not like our bodies tell us the good, the bad, and the ugly of what’s going on inside of us. How many times have you ignored an ache or a tightness, telling yourself it’s going to go away? Lord knows, I’ve been exhausted at work, sometimes for weeks, and then I bounce back. I think it’s human nature to push aside the ‘I don’t feel well’ notion and go about our day because going to the doctor or the walk-in is a hassle.”