Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 94997 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 475(@200wpm)___ 380(@250wpm)___ 317(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94997 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 475(@200wpm)___ 380(@250wpm)___ 317(@300wpm)
He clears his throat. “I was just excited by the fact that we’re a thing,” he says, and I roll my eyes as he goes into the bathroom to shower off the blood he’s covered in.
I’m not entirely mad at him. If anything, it makes me feel safe knowing he’d go to such lengths to protect me. But I want Jared’s face to be on the news. I want Makayla’s family to know it was him who killed her. Anything past that, I don’t care, and I’m satisfied that he will be killed one way or another.
I’m under the blankets in Hawke’s bed, wearing one of his shirts, as I flick through the channels. He reappears, totally naked, with a smug expression on his face. But instead of joining me, he leaves the bedroom and heads downstairs. I stare after him, curious as to what he’s up to. A few minutes later, he returns with several takeout containers.
“I take it you haven’t eaten today,” he says as if it’s the most casual thing in the world.
“One cookie,” I say, shifting to make more room for him on the bed. My stomach growls as a reminder. I was so focused on everything that was happening that eating was the last thing on my mind. How this man kills and tortures and still has an appetite afterward will always impress me. It’s past midnight, but I suppose it’s as good a time as ever to have a few bites.
A random movie is playing in the background, but I watch him as he happily spreads the food out in front of us. I try to hide the smile as I think about our earlier conversation. Who would have ever thought that Hawke and I would discuss being exclusive? It was easy—maybe too easy—but that has always been our relationship. Maybe I thought it could never be more because I wasn’t prepared to face my feelings for him.
“What?” he asks with a smile as he snaps the chopsticks apart and offers them to me. He got noodles—one of my favorites.
It’s strange to think of what a future with him might look like, and to what extent? Is it still a now thing? Maybe in a year’s time, we’ll get bored of each other? Or could it be… a forever type of thing?
I can’t help but think about how good of a father he would be. It’s a strange feeling, considering I’ve never looked at a man that way.
“It’s nothing,” I say, opening the box.
“Spit it out, or I’ll tickle it out of you,” he warns, and I roll my eyes. But when I look at him, I see he’s dead serious, and I’m not risking shit.
“I was just thinking you’d be a good dad. That’s all.”
His eyebrows arch in surprise. I feel stupid after I say it. My God, he probably thinks I’ve gone gaga after we’ve become exclusive, and I’m jumping into some happily ever after fantasy. I’m an idiot. I should’ve just taken the punishment of tickles.
He’s quiet as he tries to hold the chopsticks the right way. I try not to laugh as I push through the awkward tension and show him how to use them again, which makes him uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it weird. I just meant—”
“It was nice,” he says sheepishly, looking down at his food and then up at me. I can see the vulnerability there. “It’s nice to be taken seriously for once.”
My mouth opens and then closes.
“I think you’d be a cool mom, for what it’s worth. Do you want kids?” he asks, unable to meet my gaze, and it’s so strange to see this side of him.
“Yeah. I’d love to have kids. I had a really good relationship with my parents, and I think it’d be cool to have tiny humans running around. What about you?”
I never expected to have a conversation like this with Hawke. At least not so soon. I’ve been so used to being labeled as the party girl that I can share his sentiment of no one ever taking me seriously. But I was never ready for the conversation of marriage and kids. I find it ironic that I’m talking to Hawke about it.
He seems to think it over carefully. “I think it’d be really cool having kids. I love them, but we’re never around them. But I didn’t think it was something possible for me, you know? Considering what I do for work and all.”
“Are you ashamed of what you do?” I ask carefully. I thought Hawke loved working for Eli, and his parents run the underworld auctions, so it’s not like he’s going to live a cookie-cutter type of life. That’s just not Hawke.
“Fuck no. I love my job,” he says with a cheesy grin. “But it’s not exactly a mood setter with women. Not that I’ve ever found a woman I want to do that with.” He looks at me and then quickly diverts his gaze, and I feel like I missed something important as he continues. “But I’ve done things, awful things that I don’t think make me a good person.”